1. Focus on doing good things and all else will follow. This morning I read a comment someone made that being a good person is the world’s toughest task. Indeed, it could very well be the greatest challenge – especially when we put the focus on being a good person. Abraham Lincoln said it best when he said, “When I do good I feel good, when I do bad I feel bad.” Let us focus on doing good things and being a good person comes naturally in the process. It couldn’t have been more simpler than that. To do a rain check on ourselves, we can use the Integrity test: What we do when no one is watching us should be the same as when we know that someone is watching us. And follow our heart, not our ‘desire’, as it will always have the right answer for us.

2. Change should and must come from us – FIRST. I am a strong believer of Mahatma Gandhi‘s philosophy, “Be the change that you want to see in the world.” Instead of trying to change people, we lead and inspire the change.

3. Spend time with positive, loving and happy people. We know that positiveness and happiness are highly contagious, and yet we are allowing ourselves to be ‘beaten’ continuously by negative people around us. Have a clear picture of the kind of person we want to be and associate ourselves with like-minded people who are supportive and are willing to help us to become the person we aspire to be. It is easy to let go of negative people who are not closely related to us. How about those closely related to us? I’m not telling you to cut the tie completely; let them know that you will keep the lifeline always open for them and yet understand clearly that you can lead the horse to the river, you can’t make it drink. Understand also that they may not be ready now and there will be a time when they are ready; be there for them when they are.

4. Start loving people, including ourselves, and let go of any hatred we may hold of others. As Buddha said (I changed a little in this context), “Holding on to hatred is like grasping hot coals with the intent of throwing them at someone else, we are the one who will get burned.” Harness the power of forgiveness and free ourselves. As Louise Hay said, “I forgive everyone in my life, and release them with love. They are free and I am free.” Forgiveness free the people we hate and most importantly – free us.

5. Live in the present. Learn the lessons from the past and leave the past where it should stay. Start living in the moments. The things we are doing today will create the tomorrow we dream and putting our attention to the current moments can make a huge difference in simplifying our lives. Take care of today and tomorrow will turn out to be what we want it to be.

6. Start to take up responsibility. Putting the blame on others accomplishes nothing and complicates things. Be the master of our fates and the captain of our souls. Choose to be in control of ourselves, then to let go of that control to someone else.

7. Put useful information in our minds and mind our own businesses. The mind is the garden of our well-beings. Would we dump rubbish into our gardens? Yet, we are putting useless information into our mind. Online social medias like Facebook, Twitter etc are splendid way to keep in touch, yet many spend hours everyday minding the businesses of their friends in these social medias. We should be the one making use of these social medias and not the other way round.

8. Take a step backward in making decisions. Moving backward could be the best way to forge ahead sometimes. Think things through before making decisions especially when we know our emotions are kicking in. The best decisions are usually made with a clear mind.

Alice Herz Sommer, a Czech pianist and a music teacher, is an amazing lady with superb positive outlook in life. She was not only a survivor of the Theresienstadt concentration camp but also remains resolutely optimistic in her whole life. And now at 108 years old, Alice lives by herself in a tiny London flat with no assistance. She still practices piano three hours every day. Alice is truly an inspiration and the best thing I learned from her is, “Everything is a present.” Some may ask, “Even the bad experience?” I truly believe so … there is always something we can learn from our experiences regardless good or bad. As Alice put it best in the video, “I know about the bad, but I look at the good thing.”

If the above video is not working, you can take a look at the video interview of Alice Herz Sommer by Bernard Hiller:

To leave you with the last lesson from this incredible woman in the interview above, “Hatred eats the soul of the hater not the hated.”

A friend of mine would say that this is only a rare cases as he recently went through a divorce. I told him that there are many such cases around me as well as from many comments left previously on this blog and on Symphony of Love’s page in Facebook of happy marriages. He simply brushed off what I said and said that a lot of people are hypocrite; they only act loving in front of others.

There are always two sides to a coin and yet when one’s foot is firmly on one of the sides, one would only see his/her side of the coin.

Do you still remember the story of the blind men who came to an elephant? They each touched a different part of an elephant and each gave his description of the elephant. The one who only touched the leg said the elephant is like a pillar. Another man said, ‘The elephant is like a husking basket.’ This person had only touched its ears. Similarly, he who touched its trunk or its belly talked of it differently.

So who gave a right description of an elephant? As much as we might be tempted to say they were all wrong, we have to admit that they were, in fact, all right in each own way. How you are looking at marriage now, depend on which side of the coin you are standing in. If you are standing on the same side as my friend, you would believe that marriage doesn’t work out, Well, you are right and you will probably notice all the stories and examples around you to support your viewpoint that marriage doesn’t work out.

What I sincerely hope is for you to have an open mind and view the elephant from another perspective. Og Mandino once said, “Love doesn’t sit there like a stone, it has to be made, like bread: remade all the time, made new.”

The Women On My Journey
Rev. Melissa M. Bowers

To the women on my journey
Who showed me the ways to go and ways not to go,
Whose strength and compassion held up a torch of light
and beckoned me to follow,
Whose weakness and ignorance darkened the path and encouraged me
to turn another way.

To the women on my journey
Who showed me how to love and how not to live,
Whose grace, success and gratitude lifted me into the fullness
of surrender to God,
Whose bitterness, envy and wasted gifts warned me away
from the emptiness of self-will

To the women on my journey
Who showed me what I am and what I am not,
Whose love, encouragement and confidence held me tenderly
and nudged me gently,
Whose judgement, disappointment and lack of faith called me
to deeper levels of commitment and resolve.

To the women on my journey who taught me love
by means of both darkness and light.