A Better Us Through Self-Discipline

In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won was over themselves; self-discipline with all of them came first.” – Harry S. Truman

Discipline

That is the quotation that had me thinking yesterday. Discipline, in particular self-discipline, is what will get us through most things in life; from writing this simple post to achieving greatness for you and I. You may ask, “Why is discipline important in writing this post?” For people who have tried writing, you would know how hard it might get sometimes to actually sit down and finish the whole write-up in one session without getting up every few minutes to get a drink, a snack or toilet break etc.

After I finished the last sentence in the previous paragraph, I went to put out the laundry to dry, took a seep of water from the refrigerator, had a piece of chocolate and took a toilet break before finally sitting down once again to write; I lacked the self-discipline to focus and concentrate on the writing.

Just with most things in life, often time we lack the self-discipline to see us through what we are hoping to do or achieve. One area where self-discipline is clearly important is in losing weight.

Some people are constantly looking for quick fix to their weight problem; they will jump at anything that gives them guaranteed weight lost in the shortest time. They may lose weight fast, but they will find the result short term especially if they do not change the way they live and the food they eat.

To me, I strongly believe that the best way of losing weight naturally is through changing our living habits and what we eat. Doing that will not only ensure keeping the ideal weight permanently (through continuous self-discipline), but will also give us the many health benefits that come with living right and eating right.

A friend’s colleague shared his experience going through the journey from 115 Kilograms to 56 Kilograms in around one year. Not only does he look fresher and younger, he has also inspired his wife and friends to follow in his lifestyle.

His journey of losing weight started from a trip with his daughter to the doctor for her check up. He playfully weighed himself on the weighing machine while his daughter was having the check up. The doctor saw his weight and made a remark, “If you maintain that balloon weight, you cannot see your grandchildren.

That made him decide, “Enough is enough!” Not only that, he felt tired easily and his excessive weight made him feel like a walking balloon. In that moment of awakening, he made decisions to change his lifestyle and eating habits. To him, this is the one proven way to lose the excessive weight. “Seeing my kiddos help me stay disciplined.” He said.

How did he do it? He first calculated his Body Mass Index (BMI) and set the goal he wanted to achieve. Then he cut down on the amount of food intake as well as changing what he was eating (no junk food, no refined-Carbohydrate, less or no fried food). Eventually he becomes a Pescetarian. The second part is doing lots of Cardio-exercises from badminton to running to squash and just nature trekking sometimes. The trick is to do these Cardio-exercises regularly. He did it thrice a week.

In his own words, “There is only one way: in two parts to lose weight; eat right and exercise. And this is a lifelong thing.

Another thing which probably contributed to his success in losing the excess weight were the moral supports from family, friends and colleagues. However, without him first deciding to lose the excess weight and then keeping it going through self-discipline, he would not have done it!

How about you? What were the things you were able to achieve through self-discipline?

Photo by coolza

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Rebuild Haiti Better World Book Drive

Rebuild Haiti Better World Book Drive

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.” – Lao Tzu
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The “Rebuild Haiti” Better World Book Drive

Announcing the Rebuild Haiti Better World Book Drive! Better World Book is running a nation-wide book drive to raise funds for education in Haiti and they need your help to support a long-term effort to rebuild Haiti’s education system. By sending books, you can help fund their Haiti non-profit literacy partner, Plan USA. So dust off those great books you’re never going to read again, and do some good with them…

Ways You Can Help:

1. Send Books. Books can be sent to:

Better World Books
Attn: Help Haiti
55740 Currant Rd.
Mishawaka, IN 46545

Please send only books in good condition. Note: Book donations are not tax deductible.

2. Run a campus book drive for Haiti – click here to sign-up.

3. Make a cash donation to one of our partners:

Restore Education: Donate cash now to Plan USA
Rebuild Libraries: http://www.ala.org/haiti

How it works:

1. You send books to Better World Books at the address above.

2. The books donated will be sold on their global network of marketplaces including BetterWorldBooks.com.

3. 50% of the net sales are donated to Plan USA, earmarked for the Haiti education rebuilding effort.

About Plan USA:

Plan USA is Better World Book new non-profit literacy partner. Funds raised through the Rebuild Haiti Better World Book Drive will be applied exclusively to education in Haiti.

Plan USA has been working in Haiti since 1973. They were recently selected by the Haitian government to implement the country’s education restoration effort alongside the Ministry of Education, UN agencies, local and international NGO partners.

Better World has made an initial donation of $10,000 to the Plan USA effort to rebuild Haiti. You can learn more about Plan USA at: http://www.planusa.org/

Like what Barbara de Angelis said, “Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference.” Let us do what we can to help the Haitian to restore their education system.

Are We Trying to Fix Our Partner’s Problem?

Person A was telling person B about her problems at work. Person B listened attentively and patiently while person A talked. At the same, person B was working out something mentally, which might help person A solved her problems. As soon as person A stopped talking, person B started to tell person A what she could do to solve her problems at work.‘ A typical scenario that can happen between a couple, family members and friends.

The questions are, “Was person A seeking solutions from person B for her problems at work? Or person A simply needed a listening ear?” There are no straightforward answers for this.

This is one common mistake in relationship which I tend to make very often previously. Usually when someone told me his/her problem, I just assumed that I was supposed to fix it. You can guess the frustration when the person said, “I didn’t ask for your opinion or advice.” In my mind I was wondering, “Why are you telling me about your problem in the first place when you don’t need my opinion or advice?” I didn’t understand that the person just needed someone to talk to and at time to sympathize with his/her situation.

I have come to realise that we are not expected to fix problems always from books and seminars which I attended. From then onwards, I tried to be a mind-reader; trying my best to grasp what the other person needed. Sometimes I was right, sometimes I was wrong. Wouldn’t it be much easier if the person just tell us what he/she wants?

In the book ‘Finding the Words: Candid Conversations with Loved Ones,’ the author Susan P. Halpern cited a story:

Lester felt inadequate, he realized, when Judy aired her personal concerns. He did not know what to do or say. His impulse was to think up a solution right away. All Judy wanted from Lester was that he listen when she talked about herself. He did not need to fix anything.

Only by telling our partner what we want can the need be met. Judy realised that she only wanted to be listened to. That was it. She wanted to hear herself talk through her issues, maybe get a little sympathy, and she would be fine.

When Lester came up with his great ideas, Judy felt he was saying she was dumb for not thinking of them herself. She felt belittled and dependent. He was the only one who could fix things, she felt.

When she told him that she just needed time to talk and a friendly ear, she felt better and she went on to handle her problems in her own way. Judy had to tell Lester that she just wanted him to listen, and he learned to do just that.

In communication, we not only need to listen attentively, patiently and openly but we also need to convey our thought and need accordingly. Trying to read mind or assuming the need of another is a mistake that cause tension and conflict between a couple, family members and friends. We need to clearly communicate to each other what we want.

Do you always expect solution from your partner when you talk about your problem or most time you just need a listening ear? When you are talking to your partner, how do you communicate what you want to him/her?

Photo by greyman
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Find Lasting Inner Peace, Joy and Love

Do We Sleep with a Peace of Mind?

Sleeping with a peace of mindDo you have problems getting to sleep at night? No, I am not talking about insomnia – a short term or chronic inability to get high quality sleep – which can be caused by stress at work or home. Most people would have suffered insomnia at one point or other in their lives. I’m not talking about sleep apnea also, where your breathing stops or gets very shallow while you are sleeping.

I am not talking about such sleeping problems where you would be able to seek help professionally or through self-help by making changes to your lifestyles. Before I misled you further, please allow me to rephrase my sentence to make it clearer, “Do you sleep with a peace of mind at night?”

I believe most of us can sleep peacefully without waking up in cold sweat to nightmares at night. I remembered Richard Branson said something along this line, in one of his books, “Don’t do things that will cause you to have problem sleeping at night.” I couldn’t remember the exact words but I gathered he meant we must not do anything bad or against our conscience lest we will be troubled in sleep at night; we always have a choice.

As the saying goes, “To err is human.” Most of us would have made mistakes or errors in our lives. Some of them big, and continue to haunt us for life. Some of them small, and we readily forget. When we made mistakes, we must learn from them and be brave enough to face the consequences; running away is not an option.

Apparently not all people share the same thought and they will flee at the first chance. Dr. Silviu Ionescu, former Romanian diplomat in Singapore, linked to two hit-and-run accidents which killed one and left two injured is one such person. He was believed to be drunk driving when it happened. He was requested to return to Singapore for a coroner’s inquiry. However, Dr. Ionescu said his failing health was the main reason he may not return. He claimed that he could die as a result of his illness, believed to be diabetes.

He firmly denied having anything to do with the accident that killed one, or another later that day that left two people injured.

In remarks to the newspaper, Dr. Ionescu said: ‘I read in newspapers that prosecutors (in Singapore) were accusing me long before they had the right to. They should have done a preliminary inquiry first. It was clearly a sign that I shouldn’t come back.’

Ministry of Foreign Affairs spokesman said that they were puzzled by Dr. Ionescu’s comments. According to the spokesman, “…no charges have been made and no judgment has been passed on Dr. Ionescu. … He should take the opportunity to give his account of the events in order that the true circumstances surrounding the accidents may be determined.

Was he the one? I have no wish to discuss or pass judgment here because he is the only one who knows. If he was not the one, then all the more he should stand up and clear himself. If he was, then he should return to Singapore to face the consequence.

I am appalled how one can do something like that and yet sleep peacefully at night. How can he/she face others and look them in the eyes? And how can one look at himself/herself in the mirror?

Remember, we always have a choice: one that we can sleep with a peace of mind at night or one where we will be troubled for life.

Photo by straymuse
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Kindness – The Ripple with no end

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

Mark Twain
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Over the weekend, there was a report in the newspaper stating a headline from an article in the Seattle Times, ‘Kindness taught in Seattle school’s online class.’ As course leader Andy Smallman says, “The purpose of this ‘class’ is to have fun while being kind, to see how being kind to others is actually being kind to ourselves, and to start ripples of kindness that will be felt in faraway places.

You may be curious to know what is taught in the class. According to the newspaper report by Richard Hartung (a consultant living in Singapore since 1992), there are no exams or grades – just homework. Like, do something kind for someone we love and then do something for someone we don’t know. I would like to call it enlisting people into a kindness movement by getting them to consciously perform act of kindness for their loved ones and even for people they do not know.

As Richard says, “Kindness – the ripple with no end.” Indeed, the ripples generate from the act of kindness will travel far and wide; they will go on to affect many others from where they first start. However, the ripples on the surface of the water in a lake will stop if the factor generating the ripples stop. Like the rain stops falling on the lake or someone stops throwing stone into it.

Like the water ripples, the kindness ripples will stop too if we stop being kind. Therefore, we must continue to perform act of kindness in order for the kindness ripples to continue.

Richard asked a question, “Does a kind act here or there really make a difference?” I believe that no matter how small a kind act may be, it will go on to create ripples; it will always make a difference. As Dilbert creator Scott Adams put it more simply, “Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.

Not only that, as stated in the newspaper report, “Thinkers from Confucius to Dalai Lama as well as research from the US National Institutes of Health and many other sources all cite benefits to both giver and receiver.” We don’t need to be a genius like Albert Einstein to understand that; who has not felt good from being kind to loved ones and to strangers?

A water ripple that hits a wall before it disappears may bounce back to its source, depending on the strength of the ripple and how far the wall is. However, a kindness ripple generated will propagate and eventually but surely, it will go back to its source.

Let us take the time today to generate a kindness ripple through a small act of kindness, which will surely bring happiness to the life of others and to yourself.

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.” – Og Mandino
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Photo credit: mrhayata

Invictus by William Ernest Henley

Invictus by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

“Invictus” is a poem written in 1875 by English poet William Ernest Henley. The word means “unconquered” in Latin.The last two lines were repeated on several occasions by Morgan Freeman in his performance as Nelson Mandela in the film “Invictus,” about Mandela’s efforts to unite his country around hosting and winning the 1995 rugby World Cup. It was said that Nelson Mandela had this poem written on a piece of paper he kept during his years in a South African prison. According to Mandela, the poem helped him cope with the pain of injustice and imprisonment.

In the movie, Mandela gives the “Invictus” poem to his national rugby team’s captain Francois Pienaar before the start of the Rugby World Cup. In reality, Mandela provided Pienaar with an extract from Theodore Roosevelt’s “The Man in the Arena” speech from 1910. An excerpt of the speech from Wikipedia as below:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

I hope that the poem “Invictus” can give you the strength to overcome whatever challenges that you may be facing and can inspire you like it has helped Nelson Mandela to survive 27 years in imprisonment.

I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.

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Learning to Love from Children

sleeping baby

No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” – Nelson Mandela

How true isn’t it? Nelson Mandela certainly was right when he said ‘… love comes naturally to the human heart …’ A child knows no hatred or how to hate and yet he/she instinctively feels the love and care shower by parents. A child generally do not differentiate statue too; a child may be shy and uncomfortable with a stranger initially, but if the stranger treat the child lovingly and kindly, the child will eventually warm up to the stranger.

Most adults on the other hand have the ability, through learned experience, to differentiate people who are genuinely sincere and good from those who are not. This is one of the reasons, and a valid one, why parents find it necessary to protect baby from people who are not genuinely sincere and good.

In the process of growing up, the child will see, hear and pick up hatred we show to others along the way. We too had unconsciously learnt to hate from our parents and people around us; not that they wanted to teach us to hate on purpose, but through their words and actions, we imitated them until at such time that their words and actions become part of ours too. We eventually ‘pass’ these words and actions to our children. This is a vicious cycle that will stop only by consciously teaching our children to love people from the heart.

However, in order for us to be fitting to teach our children to love, we must first learn to love like them. Did I just contradict myself? It makes sense actually. We need to first learn to love people indiscriminately and with an open heart from them. Then we lead by example to love people indiscriminately and with an open heart. A challenging thing to do but so is anything worth fighting for.

Through conscious teaching of ourselves and especially our young ones to love, I believe that one day most of us will be loving people.

How do you think we can work towards teaching people to love?

Photo by pcioca

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