Have you ever been in a situation where you had shown your love and concern to your loved ones and yet made things worse? Or were you accused for not showing them love and concern? I believe once in a while one will get into such a situation. That is where communication is very important. A lot of time, things would have worked out great with a little communication and seeing things from the perspective of the other person.
What does love and concern mean to your loved ones? It is very important to know what love and concern mean to your loved ones. They may be seeing things from a different perspective as you. I remember reading a story of a young boy and his father before.
“They were planting some seeds and upon seeing the worried face on his son, the father told his son not to worry as by spring, the seed would grow to knee height. Upon hearing that, the son asked, “Dad, your knee or mine?” A simple story and yet very enlightening. A lot of time, misunderstandings could be easily prevented if we could see things from the other person’s perspective.”
In the book Life by Design by Dr. Rick Kirschner and Dr. Rick Brinkman, it asked, “How do you show someone that you care?” Do you show it the way that you want others to show their cares to you? As the saying goes, “Do unto others what you want others to do unto you.” It seems ‘right’ that one should show care to others the way one wants others to show care to one. Not exactly ‘right’ in this case.
There is no clear ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ way. Where Human is concerned, one can never see what another see without putting oneself in another’s shoes. There is much wisdom in this. The truth is that people define the same experiences in different ways and they define different experiences in the same way. Have I managed to cause confusion in you?
Let us read a passage from the book Life by Design by Dr. Rick Kirschner and Dr. Rick Brinkman:
Justin and Casey were good friends with a little problem in problem solving. If either of them was upset, the other would consistently make it worse. Yet how was this possible? They were both trying to help! To understand why it wasn’t working for either of them, consider their two ways of defining how friends “should” treat upset friends. When Justin is upset, he thinks that a good friend “should” become interested and ask a lot of questions. When Casey is upset, he thinks that a good friend “should” leave him alone to work it out. What happens when they do unto one another? Casey leaves Justin alone and Justin feels abandoned. Justin pesters Casey with questions and Casey feels annoyed.
Nobody gets what he or she wants and everybody gets more upset. Yet their problem could be easily solved if only they knew each other’s complex of equivalents for friendship when either is upset. Then Casey would know to ask Justin questions and Justin would know to leave Casey alone.
An overlooked in each other different in definition of friendship when either is upset led to misunderstandings. Realization is instant; one needs to be able to show care in a way that another person can understand. This same rule can be applied to other aspects of one’s life. Communication is important and even more important is seeing things from a different perspective; from the other’s point of view.
Have you ever been in similar situation where you thought the other person didn’t care but then it was only because he/she shown it in a different way? And how did you manage to work things out?
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