It has been a long time since my last post. I was 1. helping my friend with an academic coaching project and 2. being ‘babysitter’ for my sister’s whom went oversea for a short trip. Both were enjoying and yet challenging experience. I have been looking for teaching work to children in developing areas where most might not even have the money for school and so the coaching project fit in nicely. Through the project, I met and coached teenagers around the age of 16 who are preparing for one of their major examinations end of this year. Comparing to babysitting for my sister, coaching was easier as what most of these teenagers need are guidance in their studies. Babysitting on the other hand need almost my full attention especially when you are talking about a pair of 2 years old twin nephews; but it was great fun.
Alright, enough of my eventful days! The other day I was chatting with a friend on MSN and she was sharing with me something about her relationship; she was feeling a little confused and lost at this moment. There are basically three issues from what I gathered from her.
First, it is the challenge of language. Although both share some common languages, both can communicate, with limitations in the common languages only; My friend understands some Cantonese only and her boyfriend understands some of her Mandarin only. English is out too as it is not the main language that both use to communicate usually. This resulted in numerous arguments from usually small misunderstandings – the messages were not spoken as intended. What seems like a big issue could have been easily resolved by learning to be more proficient in their common languages.
I had a similar experience before with a girl. Both of us did not speak each other language. Our common language is English only. The challenge was in the different ways we speak English; Sometimes she might mean one thing but the way I received her message, it might mean another thing. I tried to work around the issue by learning her language and while doing that, I was careful in our communication to make sure that we received the true meanings of each other messages and not what we perceived the messages to be. Well, it might seem like a lot of trouble and effort. Isn’t that what relationship is about? I have always believe that we have to put in the effort and time to make relationships work; regardless of whether the relationship is between you and your partner, or between you and your family or friends or co-workers.
The second issue was distance. Long distance relationship is always a challenge to most people and most wouldn’t even want to start one to begin with. There is a need to put in time and effort even when both of you are physically in the same location. The time spends in the long distance relationship should be about the same but the effort should be magnified many times. In additional to the time and effort, there needs to be a greater amount of trust.
The third issue, which is also what I deem to be very important is complex of equivalents. Big term right? Hehe. That was what I read from a book, Life by Design by Dr. Rick Kirschner and Dr. Rick Brinkman. What happened was that when my friend was unhappy, her boyfriend did not show any care and concern but just left her alone. Some of us would have stood up and said, “how can he do that?” And some would have said he did the right thing. So what is right and what is wrong? The truth is, both are right in their ways in handling the ‘unhappy incidence.’
The point is that both see things differently or rather carry out different action on the ‘unhappy incidence.’ From my friend’s point of view, when she is unhappy, she expects her boyfriend to show care and concern and to ask her questions. However, to her boyfriend, when he is unhappy, maybe he likes to be left alone to sort it out. That is why I said both are right in their ways in handling the ‘unhappy incidence.’ Have you been through similar situations where you had shown concern but thing got worse? This could probably be the reason why. The good thing is it can be easily resolved through communication and yet it can be challenging to some to try to sit down and put things across.
A lot of time, things can be so simple and easy to resolve through proper communication and understanding. And proper communication and understanding take time and effort. This is the same for any relationship. Through proper communication, one will be able to gain better understanding of another and through better understanding, one will become more tolerance of another – which eventually leads to an even more fulfilling and enjoyable relationship.
“Make love Happen”
- Nine Essential Ingredients of a True Apology by Dr. Harriet Lerner - May 20, 2020
- What is a Mother? by Helen Steiner Rice - May 9, 2020
- Promise Yourself, The Optimist Creed, Christian D. Larson - April 6, 2020