Blaming Others for the Mistakes

Attitude, Blaming others for the mistakes, Happiness, Healthy Relationships, Life, Quotation, Reflection, Touching Story, Wisdom

Blaming Others for the Mistakes

bk
October 29, 2009
Blaming Others for the Mistakes

Last night while reading some forum posts, I came upon a story which I read some years ago:

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the apple of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for work so he asked the wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. The mother, preoccupied in the kitchen, totally forgot the matter.

The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle and, fascinated with its color, drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed, the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. How would she face her husband?

What was the reaction of the father when he got to the hospital and saw the dead child? Don’t let the cat out of the bag if you have read this before. For those who had not read this before, did you think that the father would fly into a rage and would reprimand his wife for not capping the bottle? Were you blaming the wife as well? But shouldn’t the husband just take time to put the bottle away? So who was to be blamed actually?

The father wasn’t angry at his wife at all. He looked at his wife and uttered just four words. What do you think were the four words?

The husband just said, “I love you, darling.”

The wisdom he displayed was truly an inspiration. The child was already dead and no way he could be brought back to life. What good would it do him to be angry with his wife? He responded by taking responsibility for his action; not taking time to put the bottle away.

He understood that his wife had lost her only child too. What she needed most was consolation and sympathy from him. That is what he gave her.

From the first time I read this story, I have been using it to remind myself to have the wisdom like the man. I must be less haste to find fault and to always take a more proactive perspective. I am not always successful yet. But practice makes better.

Blaming others for the mistakes seemed to be the natural thing to do whenever something bad happened. As the saying goes, “it is always easier to find fault with others than with ourselves.” Dr. Robert Anthony said, “When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” Let us take ownership and stop blaming others for the mistakes.

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you … You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer

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Photo credit: SnorkTV

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31 thoughts on “Blaming Others for the Mistakes”

  4. Nita

    Nice post! Honestly, it happened to me few months ago. I forgot to close our bedroom door and our 4 year old daughter went inside and grabbed my DH’s medication. My daughter did everything she could but fortunately, she wasn’t strong enough to open the bottle. What a big relief! From then on, we were both paranoid and bought child safety door knobs for all of our doors.

    1. Symphony of Love Post author

      @ VanillaSeven, I totally agree with you. It is not always easy to overlook the mistake of loved ones and to move on. That was why Gandhi said, “forgiveness if the attribute of the strong.”

      @ Pam, one really needs to be ‘strong’ and wise.

      @ Jannie, you are right! Blame is no game to play and a stupid one too.

      @ Nita, what a relief! I couldn’t imagine. We really have to be careful with what we are doing especially when we have kids at home; one mistake and we can regret for a lifetime. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

      @ Christine, there was no way I could forget this story after I first read it. I would just use it to remind myself consciously.

  7. Symphony of Love Post author

    @ Bern, you have made a splendid point there. Love is what gotten us through a lot of challenges in life. Forgiveness is done through love. Just as Robert Muller said, “To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” The challenge is looking beyond the illusion. Most of the time we are so caught up at the illusion that we fail to look beyond it. Thank you for your enlightening input.

  8. Modern Mom

    The story is very inspiring. What the husband did was really hard. Anger is usually our very first reaction,

    Thank yo for posting this. I too, will try to practice it. 🙂

    1. Symphony of Love Post author

      @ Modern Mom, you are right. What the husband did was something very difficult and yet he has the wisdom to see thing as it was.

      @ Blackswan, thank you. Learning to forgive is one of the most challenging things indeed. But with love, I believe it can be done. 🙂

  11. Ely Biado

    Deuteronomy 32:39 ‘Now see that I, even I, am He, And there is no God besides Me; I kill and I make alive; I wound and I heal; Nor is there any who can deliver from My hand.

    Matthew 10:29-31 Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

    Being cautious, yes but if not intended to cause, it’s the Creator that causes.
    .-= Ely Biado´s last blog ..All Souls Day =-.

  12. Suzanne

    Great story. I often think of cases like this. I reminds me of the Oprah show last year with the mum who forgot her kid in the car. The guilt that either of these mums will put to themselves is far more painful than any blame they will receive from others. After all, it is their own kid who they probably loved to bits.
    I can only cry when I think about things like this happening. God bless the husbands who are thoughtful and supportive to their wives, because I know not every husband will be as tactful and loving.
    .-= Suzanne´s last blog ..Unexplained health problems. =-.

  14. Tina T

    I agree about looking at the role that you play in what went wrong rather than looking to blame others. I know people who have a string of unhappy marriages because they have never taken any blame for their prior marriages failing and carry the same faults into their new marriage.

    That said, this is a very extreme example that I think would put tremendous stress on any couple whether they found themselves at fault or their partner. I think that it would be hard to move past this even if you didn’t blame your spouse.
    .-= Tina T´s last blog ..Can Big Age Differences Work? =-.

  15. betchai

    I have not read this story before, and your post brought some mist to my eyes, for yes, that was a very responsible response, the wife lost her precious child too, and needs comfort at that time.
    .-= betchai ´s last blog ..Another Beautiful Day =-.

  16. Symphony of Love Post author

    @ Suzanne, you have made a very good point; the guilt that the mother will feel will be greater than that of any other’s blame. They don’t need others to add on the blame. It was indeed very thoughtful and wise of the husband in the story.

    @ Anne, that has to be harder than having someone forgiving you; to forgive yourself and not blame yourself.

    @ Tina, yes, you are right, many have failed in their marriage but they never learned. Bringing the same mistakes they had made in their previous marriages can very well cause the new marriage to go into trouble too. It will indeed be a challenge to be able to move on in this case.

    @ Betchai, very responsible and wise response.

    1. Symphony of Love Post author

      @ Lisa, I believe the mother would definitely blame herself. It is easier to shift the blame from others, but a great challenge to forgive oneself.

      @ Mind of a Mom, there is nothing which love cannot overcome.

      @ Adam, you are right. There are times where blame must go where it is deserved. Or should I say responsibility must be taken for whoever is responsible.

      @ Liferamblings, you are most welcome.

  22. Petula

    Gosh, that was an amazing response. Only a person who has a true heart for unconditional love can have that response. I wonder if all of those things went through his head before he responded… about nothing being able to bring the child back, etc. That story touched my heart.