A random act of happiness by an elderly couple from Iowa at Mayo Clinic goes viral in Youtube and made more than 6 million people smile. And that, say Francis and Marlow Cowan, is what keeps them young. No need for the botox or all the vitamins, this is the ‘secret!’ They sure made me smile! And guess what, they are married for more than 62 years!
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” – Steve Job
What are the top 5 regrets as shared by Bonnie Ware (who worked for years nursing the dying) that people have on their deathbed?
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly,in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip.But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks,love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have sillyness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Music by Pasquale Catalano “Cuore Di Sabbia” and Images by Monica Sheehan
As from the video:
1. Be Happy – People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be. – Abraham Lincoln
2. Show up
3. Follow your heart – There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart … pursue those. – Author Unknown
4. Find a new perspective
5. Have a sense of wonder – There are two ways to live your life – one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle. – Albert Einstein
6. Find people you love … and I would say loving all the people around us regardless of whether we know them in person or not.
7. Set Goals – Life can be pulled by goals just as surely as it can be pushed by drives. – Viktor E. Frankl
8. Help others – If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them. – Dalai Lama
9. Dance – Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass … It’s about learning to dance in the rain. – Vivian Greene
10. Pamper yourself …
11. Face your fears … – Do the thing we fear, and death of fear is certain. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
12. Go to a museum
13. Exercise – It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver. – Mahatma Gandhi. Besides exercising, we do have to focus on eating healthy too; most health issues are directly related to the food we are putting in our mouths.
14. Limit Television
15. Get in touch with Nature
16. Lighten up
17. Get a good night’s sleep
18. Read books
19. Buy yourself flowers
20. Don’t compare yourself with others – Each of us is unique and special in our own way; do not seek to be like others and do not afraid to be different.
21. Don’t beat yourself up – Loving others start from first learning to love ourselves.
22. Be open to new ideas
23. Don’t focus on negative thought
24. … Focus on creating what you desire
25. Make time just to have fun
26. Keep the romance in your life
27. Make a Gratitude list
28. Love Your Mother Earth
29. Want what you have – Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get. – Ingrid Bergman
On April 15, 1981, Vanda Miss Joaquim was chosen as Singapore’s national flower from among 40 other contenders, including some 30 orchids. It was selected particularly because of its hardy and resilient qualities and its ability to bloom throughout the year – these qualities remind me of the Japanese.
The Japanese are not only showing their hardiness and resilience in good times, they are also showing these exceptional characteristics in the worst of times in one of the largest earthquakes ever recorded which also spawned a deadly tsunami that slammed into the small island nation, leaving a huge swath of devastation in its wake. They have also shown their abilities to bloom beautifully and gracefully just like the Vanda Miss Joaquim. The recent calamity did not put the affected areas into a state of chaos and in fact the Japanese has remained calm in handling and facing the situation; they have given all of us a very valuable lesson.
It can be challenging enough for some to maintain their composures during good times, not to mention during times like what the Japanese are going through now. They have not only continue to display an air of gracefully in their daily lives but have also extended their hands to others who are affected.
Many have truly risen to the occasion as a report by Associated Press. I am truly touched to read all the stories of people going beyond their own sufferings to make life better for others.
A lesson on “initiative” from Students in Karakuwa, who are bringing buckets of water from the school swimming pool to give survivors the dignity of a proper flush. Another lesson on unconditional sharing: “For a long time, in the countryside, even if you didn’t have enough for yourself, you shared with others,” said Noriko Sasaki, 63.
In another article by Hiroko Yoda in cnngo.com, she wrote:
Everywhere I go, I see people helping and encouraging each other, even total strangers. The outpouring of support and sympathy, especially in a metropolis filled with people who normally keep to themselves, has been astounding.
At my local supermarkets, prices have been lowered to help customers, who politely line up and pay without panic or complaint.
Hiroko also reported that in a broadcast interview with students by NHK, one of the students said, “We want to tell everyone living in shelters like us to stay strong,” and another said, “We’ll rebuild Japan together.” These are words from junior high schoolers, many of whom have yet to make contact with their families.
Lastly in the report by Associated Press, the Japanese has taught me the most valuable lesson on Gratitude:
At the school in Karakuwa, 43-year-old Emi Yoshida reads a book, still wearing the same clothes she had on the day the tsunami roared into town. She has not showered in a week and longs for a bed. Still, she is grateful for the comfort the community has provided her and her two sons.
Many, including myself at time, are being caught in the day to day activities of pursuing what we want in our lives and we have forgotten about what we already have; a gentle reminder to myself to be grateful for all the things I have or may have taken for granted … including the air that I am breathing in while typing this. Gratitude!
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