Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude. – William James
This is especially true when we are caught in an argument with another, when ‘winning’ temporary seems more important than the relationship with the person. At that point of time, our blood is boiling and we just want to say the nastiest things to hurt the person. However, trust me, almost 100% of the time we are only hurting ourselves as we’ll live to regret what we say; I couldn’t remember a time when I said somethings in the heat of the moments and I didn’t regret after that. Our attitude in how we handle an argument really plays an important part.
What we should have done, as far as possible at that moment, is to walk away to allow both parties the much needed time to cool down. Make it clear to the other person that we are not avoiding but it is not going to be constructive to talk at a time like this.
However, it is not gonna be easy to walk away especially when we are emotionally stirred up and yet that is what we must do. Whenever I was on the verge of blurting out something hurtful, I would always consciously remind myself of the consequence. I might not be always successful but like flexing of our muscles, the more we flex our muscles the stronger they get; the more we put it into practice, the better we get also.
Attitude, surely is an important factor that can make a difference to relationship and we must focus more on relationship building and less on being right and winning. I would also like to share a passage by Joel Osteen, which I read yesterday on the power of words in communication between spouses. I do believe that our attitude towards the relationship ultimately determines the words we speak and that indirectly either damage or deepen the relationship. Although the below passage by Joel Osteen focuses on communication between spouses, I do believe that it applies to all type of relationships and it is very much worth a read.
It is important for a husband to understand that his words have tremendous power in his wife’s life. He needs to bless her with words. She’s given her life to love and care for him, to partner with him, to create a family together, to nurture his children. If he is always finding fault in something she’s doing, always putting her down, he will reap horrendous problems in his marriage and in his life.
Moreover, many women today are depressed and feel emotionally abused because their husbands do not bless them with their words. One of the leading causes of emotional breakdowns among married women is the fact that women do not feel valued. One of the main reasons for that deficiency is because husbands are willfully or unwittingly withholding the words of approval women so desperately desire.
If you want to see God do wonders in your marriage, start praising your spouse. Start appreciating and encouraging her. Every single day, a husband should tell his wife, “I love you. I appreciate you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
A wife should do the same for her husband. Your relationship would improve immensely if you’d simply start speaking kind, positive words, blessing your spouse instead of cursing him or her.
How have you been able to work on your attitude especially with regards to relationship?
Read about this inspiring prose poem ‘Desiderata’ (Latin: “desired things”) from a friend’s blog today and just wanted to share this inspirational prose poem over here in Symphony of Love too. I hope that ‘Desiderata’ can help to put life back in perspective for you as it has for me when I was reading it. And I believe that it will touch you as it has touched the lives of many who have read this poem before.
Quoting a few lines from the poem, “… You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here … With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.”
Desiderata by Max Ehrmann in 1927
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.
________________________________ Listen to the beautiful recital of Desiderata by Les Crane
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I read a post ‘Spring Cleaning for the Soul’ at The Guy’s Perspective recently which touched on spring cleaning inside out. I left a comment saying that I like the idea of spring cleaning … just that sometimes I am taking too long to start; in fact, much too long. Some of the stack of old bill stubs, receipts and invoices which I found today dated as far back as 2003 or maybe even earlier. I didn’t bother to really look because they were all paid in due.
It didn’t really take much effort to clear the stack of old bills stubs, receipts and invoices that were sitting in the cabinet. And yet how did they get stacked up and taking all the spaces in the cabinet which could be put to better usage? Procrastination. As the saying goes, ‘out of sight, out of mind.‘ It is about time to take the first step. The Guy’s Perspective post provided that kick in the butt.
Today, I decided that it is time to let go of all that stack of old bill stubs, receipts and invoices. Their rightful place are in the recycle bin. They are of no use to me or anyone as long as they remained the way they are. However, going through the recycle bins, they have a chance to be recycled into something useful again.
Do you have stack of old bill stubs, receipts and invoices sitting in the cabinet waiting to be cleared? Perhaps it is time for you to clear the messes; spring is really a good time to start.
Besides the old stack of bill stubs, receipts and invoices, are there also emotional baggage which some of us are carrying through life like? Some of these emotional baggage may not really do much harm to us but they do take up spaces and give us the messy feeling; like there is always something holding us back. Wouldn’t it make sense for us to clear them too?
I have cleared the mess outside today and there are more to be cleared in the other cabinets. After that, it will be time to revisit the messes inside to start cleaning them too. It is time to ditch the emotional baggage,.
When will be a good time to start spring cleaning inside out? There will never be a better time; all we need to do is to start somewhere. Once we start, we would pick up the momentum from there. Decide today to let go of our emotional baggage to move on with life. We will inevitably find the journey less messy, much lighter and much more enjoyable.
“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” – Nelson Mandela
How true isn’t it? Nelson Mandela certainly was right when he said ‘… love comes naturally to the human heart …’ A child knows no hatred or how to hate and yet he/she instinctively feels the love and care shower by parents. A child generally do not differentiate statue too; a child may be shy and uncomfortable with a stranger initially, but if the stranger treat the child lovingly and kindly, the child will eventually warm up to the stranger.
Most adults on the other hand have the ability, through learned experience, to differentiate people who are genuinely sincere and good from those who are not. This is one of the reasons, and a valid one, why parents find it necessary to protect baby from people who are not genuinely sincere and good.
In the process of growing up, the child will see, hear and pick up hatred we show to others along the way. We too had unconsciously learnt to hate from our parents and people around us; not that they wanted to teach us to hate on purpose, but through their words and actions, we imitated them until at such time that their words and actions become part of ours too. We eventually ‘pass’ these words and actions to our children. This is a vicious cycle that will stop only by consciously teaching our children to love people from the heart.
However, in order for us to be fitting to teach our children to love, we must first learn to love like them. Did I just contradict myself? It makes sense actually. We need to first learn to love people indiscriminately and with an open heart from them. Then we lead by example to love people indiscriminately and with an open heart. A challenging thing to do but so is anything worth fighting for.
Through conscious teaching of ourselves and especially our young ones to love, I believe that one day most of us will be loving people.
How do you think we can work towards teaching people to love?
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