– William James
This is especially true when we are caught in an argument with another, when ‘winning’ temporary seems more important than the relationship with the person. At that point of time, our blood is boiling and we just want to say the nastiest things to hurt the person. However, trust me, almost 100% of the time we are only hurting ourselves as we’ll live to regret what we say; I couldn’t remember a time when I said somethings in the heat of the moments and I didn’t regret after that. The one factor that can make a difference to relationship is our attitude in handling the argument.
What we should have done, as far as possible at that moment, is possibly to walk away first to allow both parties the much needed time to cool down. Make it clear to the other person that we are not avoiding but it is not going to be constructive to talk at a time like this.
However, it is not gonna be easy to walk away especially when we are emotionally stirred up and yet that is what we must do. Whenever I was on the verge of blurting out something hurtful, I would always consciously remind myself of the consequence. I might not be always successful but like flexing of our muscles, the more we flex our muscles the stronger they get; the more we put it into practice, the better we get.
Attitude, surely is an important factor that can make a difference to relationship and we must focus more on relationship building and less on being right and winning. I would also like to share a passage by Joel Osteen, which I read yesterday on the power of words in communication between spouses. I do believe that our attitude towards the relationship ultimately determines the words we choose to speak and that indirectly either damage or deepen the relationship. Although the below passage by Joel Osteen focuses on communication between spouses, I do believe that it applies to all type of relationships and it is certainly worth a read.
It is important for a husband to understand that his words have tremendous power in his wife’s life. He needs to bless her with words. She’s given her life to love and care for him, to partner with him, to create a family together, to nurture his children. If he is always finding fault in something she’s doing, always putting her down, he will reap horrendous problems in his marriage and in his life.
Moreover, many women today are depressed and feel emotionally abused because their husbands do not bless them with their words. One of the leading causes of emotional breakdowns among married women is the fact that women do not feel valued. One of the main reasons for that deficiency is because husbands are willfully or unwittingly withholding the words of approval women so desperately desire.
If you want to see God do wonders in your marriage, start praising your spouse. Start appreciating and encouraging her. Every single day, a husband should tell his wife, “I love you. I appreciate you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
A wife should do the same for her husband. Your relationship would improve immensely if you’d simply start speaking kind, positive words, blessing your spouse instead of cursing him or her.
Have you been able to work on your attitude especially with regards to relationship?
- Nine Essential Ingredients of a True Apology by Dr. Harriet Lerner - May 20, 2020
- What is a Mother? by Helen Steiner Rice - May 9, 2020
- Promise Yourself, The Optimist Creed, Christian D. Larson - April 6, 2020