Most parents nowadays are facing this similar challenge and are guilty of not spending enough quality time with their children. In a highly competitive society like Singapore, a lot time both parents are working and their children are either left to the care of grandparents (who are the more fortunate one like my siblings and I) or domestic helper.

As much as I believe that it is important for parents to be working hard to provide for the family, it is equally important for parents to spend quality time with their children and to be there for them.

Reading the column reminds me of a meeting I had with a friend last year. While giving him a ride home, I sensed his weariness and asked him about it. He shared about his new appointment at work; he was given a role to manage projects and some junior staffs. With the new appointment and responsibility, he not only had to work late almost everyday to fulfill endless deadlines but also had to spend time to guide the junior staffs. Even at home, he often had to reply to time critical email; ignoring the email could hold up the whole production.

As a result of his new appointment, he was always tired and did not have the energy to spend time with his new born daughter. He told me the feeling sucked. It was clear that his top priority is his family but his work was keeping him from doing what is important to him. It was no wonder his positive energy was all drained and he appeared so tired, not only physically but also mentally. Good thing he realised what is his priority and making change.

I believe that most people realised the important to attain work-life balance but most are being thrown into the same situation as my friend. As what the columnist wrote, “The hard part of course, is putting realisation into practice.” A message from a fridge magnet given to the columnist, which I found very true, “This is how kids spell ‘love’ - ‘T.I.M.E’.” Children will not understand “…we’re too busy trying to make sure our children have the luxuries we never had.” To them, ‘love’ is us spending quality time with them and always being there for them.

I believe when you read the speech by Mary Schmich below, you would be able to relate to some of the things she had written just like I did and hope that you will enjoy reading this speech as much as I did too.

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ‘97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-old I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

After I finished the last sentence in the previous paragraph, I went to put out the laundry to dry, took a seep of water from the refrigerator, had a piece of chocolate and took a toilet break before finally sitting down once again to write; I lacked the self-discipline to focus and concentrate on the writing.

Just with most things in life, often time we lack the self-discipline to see us through what we are hoping to do or achieve. One area where self-discipline is clearly important is in losing weight.

Some people are constantly looking for quick fix to their weight problem; they will jump at anything that gives them guaranteed weight lost in the shortest time. They may lose weight fast, but they will find the result short term especially if they do not change the way they live and the food they eat.

To me, I strongly believe that the best way of losing weight naturally is through changing our living habits and what we eat. Doing that will not only ensure keeping the ideal weight permanently (through continuous self-discipline), but will also give us the many health benefits that come with living right and eating right.

A friend’s colleague shared his experience going through the journey from 115 Kilograms to 56 Kilograms in around one year. Not only does he look fresher and younger, he has also inspired his wife and friends to follow in his lifestyle.

His journey of losing weight started from a trip with his daughter to the doctor for her check up. He playfully weighed himself on the weighing machine while his daughter was having the check up. The doctor saw his weight and made a remark, “If you maintain that balloon weight, you cannot see your grandchildren.”

That made him decide, “Enough is enough!” Not only that, he felt tired easily and his excessive weight made him feel like a walking balloon. In that moment of awakening, he made decisions to change his lifestyle and eating habits. To him, this is the one proven way to lose the excessive weight. “Seeing my kiddos help me stay disciplined.” He said.

How did he do it? He first calculated his Body Mass Index (BMI) and set the goal he wanted to achieve. Then he cut down on the amount of food intake as well as changing what he was eating (no junk food, no refined-Carbohydrate, less or no fried food). Eventually he becomes a Pescetarian. The second part is doing lots of Cardio-exercises from badminton to running to squash and just nature trekking sometimes. The trick is to do these Cardio-exercises regularly. He did it thrice a week.

In his own words, “There is only one way: in two parts to lose weight; eat right and exercise. And this is a lifelong thing.”

Another thing which probably contributed to his success in losing the excess weight were the moral supports from family, friends and colleagues. However, without him first deciding to lose the excess weight and then keeping it going through self-discipline, he would not have done it!

The questions are, “Was person A seeking solutions from person B for her problems at work? Or person A simply needed a listening ear?” There are no straightforward answers for this.

This is one common mistake in relationship which I tend to make very often previously. Usually when someone told me his/her problem, I just assumed that I was supposed to fix it. You can guess the frustration when the person said, “I didn’t ask for your opinion or advice.” In my mind I was wondering, “Why are you telling me about your problem in the first place when you don’t need my opinion or advice?” I didn’t understand that the person just needed someone to talk to and at time to sympathize with his/her situation.

I have come to realise that we are not expected to fix problems always from books and seminars which I attended. From then onwards, I tried to be a mind-reader; trying my best to grasp what the other person needed. Sometimes I was right, sometimes I was wrong. Wouldn’t it be much easier if the person just tell us what he/she wants?

In the book ‘Finding the Words: Candid Conversations with Loved Ones,’ the author Susan P. Halpern cited a story:

Lester felt inadequate, he realized, when Judy aired her personal concerns. He did not know what to do or say. His impulse was to think up a solution right away. All Judy wanted from Lester was that he listen when she talked about herself. He did not need to fix anything.

… Only by telling our partner what we want can the need be met. Judy realised that she only wanted to be listened to. That was it. She wanted to hear herself talk through her issues, maybe get a little sympathy, and she would be fine.

When Lester came up with his great ideas, Judy felt he was saying she was dumb for not thinking of them herself. She felt belittled and dependent. He was the only one who could fix things, she felt.

When she told him that she just needed time to talk and a friendly ear, she felt better and she went on to handle her problems in her own way. Judy had to tell Lester that she just wanted him to listen, and he learned to do just that.

In communication, we not only need to listen attentively, patiently and openly but we also need to convey our thought and need accordingly. Trying to read mind or assuming the need of another is a mistake that cause tension and conflict between a couple, family members and friends. We need to clearly communicate to each other what we want.