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Attitude, Dealing with Adversity, Fear, Inspiration, Life, Reflection, Worrying is a waste of time

Worrying is a Waste of Time

July 31, 2009

If there was anything my junior college Physics tutor taught me, it was definitely not Physics. She taught us one lesson which had nothing much to do with Physics and yet it was one of the important lessons in my life.

In one of the tutorial lessons, she told us, ‘don’t worry, 70% of our worries will not come true anyway. Worrying is a waste of time’ I had no idea where she got her statistics from but at that moment I took it in as it was. However, I have been using this to consciously remind myself every time I get too worry about something.

Over the years, through experiences of others and myself, I have also learnt that there are some situations which we can do something about and some which we do not have control.

Worrying helps especially in situations where we can do something to change them; it can act as a strong motivating force to propel us into action to change the situations. However, worrying becomes futile and energy draining when we cannot control the outcomes or there is nothing we can do about it. In additional, we risk physical and mental health issues when we are overly worried.

Duke Ellington put it best when he said, “There are two kinds of worries – those you can do something about and those you can’t. Don’t spend any time on the latter.” Such a simple and straightforward truth and yet it can be a challenge for many to follow.

Just recently, my partially erupted wisdom tooth had been giving me problem; my gum was not only swollen but it had also caused my face to be slightly swollen. Eating and chewing became a slight painful experience. I had similar experiences before but the swell usually went down after a few days.

This time round the swell persisted. I knew the time had come for something to be done about it. I went for an initial dental checkup on Tuesday and made another appointment with a dental surgeon to have the partially erupted wisdom tooth surgically removed on Thursday.

I had admitted to a few friends that I was scared and worried about it. Although I knew that it was just a common and small surgery that requires only local anesthesia, I couldn’t help worrying about it. I believe you may have heard many horror stories of the drilling involved.

My main fear was the pain from the injection; I had a pretty bad experience with the injection when I was young. Perhaps because I was young then, so the pain was intensified many times.

Thursday came and I was punctual with the appointment. The registration process was prompt and professional. In about 10 minutes, I was already lying on the dental surgical chair. The dental surgeon approached me with the first injection and once she administered me with the first injection, my worry of the pain was all gone. I could barely feel the injection. Maybe a bite by a red ant is even worse than the injection.

Soon after the injections, I was blindfolded to protect my eyes from the lightings. The moments in between blindfolded and waiting for the dental surgeon to start was a little unbearable as I recalled the horror stories. But talking to the nurses helped. It was quite a lot of drilling after that and much pressures were applied by the dental surgeon. Before I knew it, it was all done. Did I feel pain? The local anesthesia worked well.

Worrying was a waste of time, the experience was not even half as frightening as I imagined it to be. I could have gotten over with it 2 years ago. However, individual’s experience varies.

Attitude, Challenges in Life, Goal Setting, Inspiration, Lao Tzu, Life, Quotation, Reflection, Wisdom

A Journey of a Thousand Miles…

July 23, 2009

Photo by uluc

This morning I went for my usual jog and this was one of the mornings where I found the jogging path especially long. It is the same path which I take almost every time I go for a jog and yet it appeared relatively longer today. When I turned around to jog back, I was overwhelmed by how ‘far’ the destination appeared to be.

I would have stopped to walk but I knew that my body condition had gone through the same distance and there was no excuse that it couldn’t bring me till the end today. In an instant, I was enlightened by the wisdom of Lao Tzu. He spoke to me subconsciously; telling me that ‘a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.‘

I don’t remember how many times I must have repeated Lao Tzu’s wisdom to friends. On a day like today, his wisdom is really enlightening. Suddenly, the destination no longer looked so distant; it started to break down itself into invisible steps. One step at a time as I edged closer and closer to the destination.

Of course you may say that I will lose sight of the destination if I just focus on the next step; you are right. If I just focus on the next step, I may knock into someone, a dog or a lamppost a few steps ahead. That is why I must lift my head occasionally while I jog to see where I am heading. I have to make sure that I continue to jog in the direction of the destination.

There will be times, along the path, when I may need to side step to avoid puddles of water or to avoid the group of students running in the same path almost every morning. Of course, I never forget to smell the roses and to enjoy the jog towards the destination.

In an instant, with a switched in attitude and perspective, the jog this morning wasn’t all that bad after all; I finished the power run as usual. Hope that you will have a great day too.

Attitude, Challenges in Life, Inspiration, Letting go, Moving on, Quotation, Rabindranath Tagore, Reflection

I’ll Go Through Another Door or I’ll Make a Door

July 19, 2009

Photo by getwired

A few days back when I was compiling some informations on Rabindranath Tagore, I came upon one very inspiring quotation by him. It goes, “I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can’t make it through one door, I’ll go through another door – or I’ll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.”

What is installed for you in another door? That, I have no answer for you. With another door, there are always uncertainties and new challenges associating with it. No one can even give you the guarantee that things will be better and no one can tell you that things will be worse either. You may have to go through more than one door. However, like standing in wet cement, if we stand long enough in it, we will get stuck in it.

Like Helen Keller’s quotation, “… often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” Are we missing the opened doors too?

Just as the day will eventually break the darkness of the night, another door will eventually bring us new lease of life. Let us have the faith as what Rabindranath Tagore said, “Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.”

I wish for you and I to always have the courage and faith to move on to another door or to make a door.

Attitude, Cause and Effect, George Washington, Honesty Is The Best Policy, Lie, Mark Twain, Quotation, Reflection, Value

Honesty Is The Best Policy

July 17, 2009

“I hope I shall always possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an ‘honest man.’” – George Washington

When I think of honesty, very often the fable about George Washington chopping down his father’s cherry tree comes into my mind. When asked about it, he cried, “I cannot tell a lie, father, you know I cannot tell a lie! I did cut it with my little hatchet.”

The anger died out of his father’s face, and taking the boy tenderly in his arms, he said, “My son, that you should not be afraid to tell the truth is more to me than a thousand trees!…”

However, there is no evidence that this ever occurred. This was part of a book of mythic stories authored by Mason Weems that made Washington a legendary figure beyond his wartime and presidential achievements.

I believe that most of us have lied in one way or another. In fact according to Dr. Gail Saltz, she believes that everybody lies. It may only be “white” lies, but everyone tells lies or “omits the truth” sometimes. Why do people lie? Dr. Gail said, “They lie to protect themselves, look good, gain financially or socially and avoid punishment.” Of course these are not the only reasons.

Whatever the reasons behind the lie, could one ever justify a lie that he/she made? Maybe it would be more acceptable when it was a “white” lie. Then again, “how can we make sure that people don’t abuse the uses of “white” lie?”

University of Massachusetts psychologist Robert Feldman said, “Anything that is not accurate is a lie. You can argue that a lie done to make someone else feel better is relatively minor. But they have an effect. The bottom line is that a lie is a lie.”

Although he did mention that it is socially useful to tell lies, I believe that in the end we always have the power to choose to tell the truth. As what Mark Twain said, “I can lie, but I won’t.” I hope that I will be strong to choose the truth at all time.

I have always reminded myself that lie is like a thrown boomerang, it will fly back to you … eventually. However, if I choose to speak the truth always, I don’t have to remember anything; I don’t have to worry about the snowballing effect that comes with continuous lying.

Randy Pausch author of The Last Lecture said, “Most people who have told a lie think they got away with it … when in fact, they didn’t.” One could have lied and fooled the whole world, but when one faced the mirror, one couldn’t lie or fool the one within. So I believe that Honesty is the best policy. Do you?

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Cancer, Life, Love, Poems, Reflection, Regrets, Relationship Advice, The Last Lecture, Tomorrow Never Comes by Norma Marek

Tomorrow Never Comes by Norma Marek

July 10, 2009

A few weeks ago while I was waiting, in a car wash shop, for my brother’s car to be washed, I picked up a copy of National Geographic to read. When I flipped to the second page, a photo of a man kissing a woman caught my attention. Besides the photo was the line, “Joel and Kathy Sartore have been married for 23 years.”

No big deal you may say. That was not what caught my attention anyway. What really grabbed my attention was the following passage:

The day before Thanksgiving in 2005, Kathy Sartore, married to photographer Joel Sartore, learned she had breast cancer. “Cancer is a thief. It steals time,” Joel says. “But cancer can also be a blessing, an amazing experience that forces us to set things right. My work had made me a stranger to my three kids. With Kathy sick, I knew it was time to stay put for a while.”

Kathy Sartore has beaten cancer and Joel is given a second chance to treasure his wife and kids. Life may not always be that generous and merciful; not everyone will get this kind of second chance. Some people did not even get the chance to bid farewell to their loved ones. A few years back, a friend shared with me an incident of his friend who regretted for not being able to rush back in time to see his father for the last time.

A quotation by David Grayson which I have always shared, “Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so.“ We certainly do not have the power to turn back time, to change history and to undo any regrets. However, we certainly have the power to create new history now and to leave no room for regrets.

Are there someone whom you care about and have not kept in touch with for a long time?

Joel Sartore said, “Kathy’s cancer made me realize how little time any of us really has.” Very true isn’t it? Quoting something from ‘The Last Lecture‘ by Randy Pausch, “Time is all you have. And you may find one day that you have less than you think.” We are always thinking that there is always time to let our loved ones know how much we love them, but the truth is, we will never know if there is a tomorrow.

Sharing with you a beautiful poem composed by Norma Marek in 1989, in memory of a lost child. Norma Marek lost her battle with cancer on 17th July 2004.

Tomorrow Never Comes

If I knew it would be the last time that I’d see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly, and pray the Lord your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last time that I’d see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss, and call you back for just one more.

If I knew it would be the last time I’d hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would tape each word and action, and play them back throughout my days.
If I knew it would be the last time, I would spare an extra minute or two,
To stop and say “I love you,” instead of assuming you know I do.

So, just in case tomorrow never comes, and today is all I get,
I’d like to say how much I love you, and I hope we never will forget.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.

So, if you’re waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes, you’ll surely regret the day
That you didn’t take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss,
And you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today, and whisper in their ear,
That you love them very much, and you’ll always hold them dear.
Take time to say “I’m sorry,” “Please forgive me,” “thank you” or “it’s okay”.

And if tomorrow never comes, you’ll have no regrets about today.

____________________________________
Photo by Unsplash

Bali Luxury Villas, Beach, Indonesia, Karma de Mare, Picture/Photos, Resorts, Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday: Bali Luxury Villa Karma De Mare

July 8, 2009

More Wordless Wednesday

Courtesy from a friend who just came back from Bali luxury villas and resorts hopping. He sent me a picture zipped file of the resorts he visited in Bali and out of all the ones he had been to, Karma De Mare was the one that really got my attention. Just look at that view from the pool.

Would you dine with me after the swim? Probably you would but not with me.

Cheap Caribbean Hot Deals

Cancer in Infants, Charmaine Lim, Children, Compassion, Giving, Kids, Life, Loving Kindness, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Centre, Neuroblastoma, New York, Saving Lives

Let’s Help Charmaine Fight Her ‘Monster’

July 3, 2009

“He who obtains has little. He who scatters has much.” – Lao Tzu

This is a happy weekend for most Americans as they celebrate United States of America’s 233 Independence Day on 4th July. Thus I want to wish them a Happy 233 Independence Day. From yesterday, I have been hesitating if I should make this post. Reading this now, you know the decision I have made.

4-years-old Charmaine Lim, the girl in the photo, loves singing, dancing and cuddling up to her mother. She is just like any other 4-years-old kids. Having a niece of age 5 and two nephews of age 3, Charmaine isn’t any different from them; especially on the part ‘cuddling up to her mother.’ My niece and nephews love that and they will even fight each other, just to sit on my sister’s lap. They are also learning a lesson, that they have to take turn and share or no one gets to sit on the lap. Do you notice any differences from your own 4-years-old there?

The only thing unlike most carefree 4-years-old, is that Charmaine has stage four cancer and is fighting for her life. She was diagnosed with stage four Neuroblastoma, high risk, a kind of cancer that occurs in infants and kids; high risk because the disease has spread to her bone marrow and bones.

Charmaine is undergoing treatment at the National University Hospital (NUH) of Singapore and she is undergoing the 5th rounds of chemotherapy. According to the newspaper report, “She no longer mixes freely with other kids in the playground or attends nursery school, because her lowered immunity puts her at high risk of falling ill.”

According to her medical report, “The current treatment will provide a survival chance of approximately 20%. However, as reported in a reference from Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Centre (MSKCC), New York, with an addition of several doses of a drug 3F8 (on top of her current treatment) will provide a higher survival chance with report up to 40-50%.”

The only challenge is that an initial payment of USD $350,000 with additional payments needed prior to continuing on with treatments. How on Earth could a single mother ever hope to come up with that amount of money? Not to mention that she has to resign from her work this year to take care of Charmaine and to take care of Charmaine’s current bills.

She had thought about giving it up but being a mother, she mentioned, “should anything happen to Charmaine, I would never be able to forgive myself for not trying to fight for Charmaine when all she has to help her is me..” Should we be in her shoes, I strongly believe we would do anything to help Charmaine; as in the case of my father back in 2005-2006, we would do anything as long as it could help him fight against his cancer and improved his quality of life during that period.

Charmaine’s mother wrote in her site, “How do I convince anyone that Charmaine’s life is worth half a million dollars?” The answer is found in the question. Life itself is priceless; we cannot simply put a price tag to life.

There may be a fleeting thought in your mind right now, just as it had come into my mind, “how could we possibly hope to save everyone?” Remember the story of a boy picking starfishes and throwing them back to the sea? An old man ask the boy, “What can you do, there are so many starfishes stranded on the beach? What difference can you make?” The boy replied, “At least to this (referring to the one he holds in his hand), it makes a difference.” And the boy threw the starfish into the sea.

What we could do for Charmaine may not be a lot but it can definitely make a difference. For a 4-years-old girl, she is fighting bravely. From the newspaper, “Perhaps Charmaine’s fighting spirit is best seen when her mother talks about the ‘monster’ inside her. She always replies: ‘Yes, I will fight with the monster.‘”

If you want to make any donation and to send encouraging thoughts to Charmaine, you can go to: Our Feisty Princess. Thank you and wishing all be blessed with good health and happiness.

Photo from Feisty Princess Charmaine.