I have the habit of sharing lessons, as what a dear friend of mine put it, with family and friends through email. I am not sure if they read the email 100% of the time because I rarely get a reply from them. It has always thrilled and delighted me to get replies once in a while. However, I was both happy and sad when I received a reply from this dear friend about a week ago. He was the one who shared the story of Dr. Kwek with me.

Although I did not know Dr. Kwek personally, reading the testimonials of his patients still saddened me. In a tribute to him, I learned how he had walked the extra miles. He was called up late in one evening by this patient’s sister and yet he turned up at the hospital’s A & E department just to visit this patient. They made a detour to his clinic later, at close to midnight, so that he could give this patients some jabs. A simple act like this could have been just a routine and norm for Dr. Kwek. However, for this patient, this simple act of kindness and concern meant a great deal and touched his life.

In my reply to this dear friend, I said, “It is very rare these days to find a good doctor who is not more interested in his/her pocket than his/her patient.” I hope Dr. Kwek story could serve as an inspiration to doctors and aspiring doctors. Just as the revenue is important to you (you and your family need to survive too, in order for you to have a peace of mind to help others), your patients are equally, if not more important as they have entrusted their lives to you.

From the video on Kindness by Amy Krouse Rosenthal which I had share in my last post, Amy asked, “What constitutes a life worthy of being remembered? How do you want to be remembered? Big questions to consider! A life worthy of being remembered will differ from individual to individual as one explores deeply within oneself. And how do one wants to be remembered? That could be a tricky question as how others remember us may not always be how we have wanted them to remember us.

Perhaps the question we need to consider is “What is/are the important things, the priorities, in our life 10, 20 or 30 years down the road?” It seemed that what were important to Dr. Kwek had naturally become the way of how people are remembering him now. The story of Dr. Eric Kwek Soon Kiat has enlightened me and straightened out my perspective. He had reminded me of the priorities in life.

To leave you with something my dear friend said, “Life has different plans for each of us, may all of us finish it without regrets.”

Back in 1995 – July 1997, taking the Double-Decker bus ride was the norm for me almost everyday. I would need to ride for almost an hour from my home to my camp and then another hour ride from my camp to home. I did that for almost everyday. However, I was always looking forward to the bus ride and to seeing the special someone every morning.

That is not the point. My nostalgic weekend has nothing to do with the girl I saw during the bus ride but the bus ride itself. When I was even younger, I was a loner. I did not like to mix with people and I did not have many friends too. I love taking bus. Almost every other weekend, I would go on hours of bus ride. It was always exciting to go on a bus ride.

Sometimes it was a ride to the airport where I would stay for awhile at the departure hall to looked at the planes taking off or landing. Sometimes I would take a bus ride to the beach where I would cycle to a quiet location and sat there for an hour or two. Almost everywhere I went, I took the bus.

Slowly I became sort of an ‘expert’ in bus taking but gradually a bus ride also became just a bus ride to get me from point A to point B.

In the book ‘Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind,’ it states:

In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.

In the book, it suggests that the beginner’s mind is an empty mind which is always ready for anything; it is open to everything. On the other hand, the expert’s mind is one which thought that it had attained something and thus limited.

Thus the book suggests that we always keep our beginner’s mind. I did not really understand the full meaning of it until I boarded a Double-Decker bus on my way to meet up my friends. It was just another bus ride but when I got on the upper deck of the bus and sat down, I was brought back to my younger days of bus taking. Suddenly the bus ride became exciting and a ‘new’ experience. I was immersing in the view from the window.

For a while the possibilities seemed unlimited; new roads, buildings and places were discovered during the ride. The beginner’s mind at work. Same old bus ride but approached with a beginner’s mind brought new perspectives, experiences and excitements.

Announcing the Rebuild Haiti Better World Book Drive! Better World Book is running a nation-wide book drive to raise funds for education in Haiti and they need your help to support a long-term effort to rebuild Haiti’s education system. By sending books, you can help fund their Haiti non-profit literacy partner, Plan USA. So dust off those great books you’re never going to read again, and do some good with them…

Ways You Can Help:

1. Send Books. Books can be sent to:

Better World Books
Attn: Help Haiti
55740 Currant Rd.
Mishawaka, IN 46545

Please send only books in good condition. Note: Book donations are not tax deductible.

2. Run a campus book drive for Haiti – click here to sign-up.

3. Make a cash donation to one of our partners:

Restore Education: Donate cash now to Plan USA
Rebuild Libraries: http://www.ala.org/haiti

How it works:

1. You send books to Better World Books at the address above.

2. The books donated will be sold on their global network of marketplaces including BetterWorldBooks.com.

3. 50% of the net sales are donated to Plan USA, earmarked for the Haiti education rebuilding effort.

About Plan USA:

Plan USA is Better World Book new non-profit literacy partner. Funds raised through the Rebuild Haiti Better World Book Drive will be applied exclusively to education in Haiti.

Plan USA has been working in Haiti since 1973. They were recently selected by the Haitian government to implement the country’s education restoration effort alongside the Ministry of Education, UN agencies, local and international NGO partners.

Better World has made an initial donation of $10,000 to the Plan USA effort to rebuild Haiti. You can learn more about Plan USA at: http://www.planusa.org/

The questions are, “Was person A seeking solutions from person B for her problems at work? Or person A simply needed a listening ear?” There are no straightforward answers for this.

This is one common mistake in relationship which I tend to make very often previously. Usually when someone told me his/her problem, I just assumed that I was supposed to fix it. You can guess the frustration when the person said, “I didn’t ask for your opinion or advice.” In my mind I was wondering, “Why are you telling me about your problem in the first place when you don’t need my opinion or advice?” I didn’t understand that the person just needed someone to talk to and at time to sympathize with his/her situation.

I have come to realise that we are not expected to fix problems always from books and seminars which I attended. From then onwards, I tried to be a mind-reader; trying my best to grasp what the other person needed. Sometimes I was right, sometimes I was wrong. Wouldn’t it be much easier if the person just tell us what he/she wants?

In the book ‘Finding the Words: Candid Conversations with Loved Ones,’ the author Susan P. Halpern cited a story:

Lester felt inadequate, he realized, when Judy aired her personal concerns. He did not know what to do or say. His impulse was to think up a solution right away. All Judy wanted from Lester was that he listen when she talked about herself. He did not need to fix anything.

… Only by telling our partner what we want can the need be met. Judy realised that she only wanted to be listened to. That was it. She wanted to hear herself talk through her issues, maybe get a little sympathy, and she would be fine.

When Lester came up with his great ideas, Judy felt he was saying she was dumb for not thinking of them herself. She felt belittled and dependent. He was the only one who could fix things, she felt.

When she told him that she just needed time to talk and a friendly ear, she felt better and she went on to handle her problems in her own way. Judy had to tell Lester that she just wanted him to listen, and he learned to do just that.

In communication, we not only need to listen attentively, patiently and openly but we also need to convey our thought and need accordingly. Trying to read mind or assuming the need of another is a mistake that cause tension and conflict between a couple, family members and friends. We need to clearly communicate to each other what we want.