SubscribeLong Distance Relationship and The Mechanisms
I was requested by my dear friend BK to pen down my thoughts of Long Distance Relationship (LDR). Being a survivor of one and finally getting married this year, I’ve been approached by at least two mates on how to make it works. I have to state this first before I go any further: what I’m writing here is solely based on my personal experience with my fiance of four years. This article is in no way a guide to all LDRs and not all LDRs will work based on it.
The first thing that comes to my mind when I’m writing about my personal experience is Love. It’s such a mushy idea and yet so strong that it can conquer all differences and the vast distance separating two persons deeply devoted to each other. But sometimes, Love just ain’t enough. You can either see it as ‘There isn’t enough LOVE to see you through it all‘ or ‘Love is not enough to pull the two of you closer and part the seas separating you.’
LDR lives on thanks to modern technology. Yes, Internet helps more than the telephone. In this age, we are glad there are Skype, MSN messenger and every single chat function on Facebook, Gmail and Yahoo. We, the survivors of LDR, are grateful for the existence of Internet!
LDR basically works like any other relationship. You chat with each other over the silliest and mushiest things, you go on dates (when you see each other) or on virtual dates and you send each other kisses (minus the physical contact). For anyone who thinks that physical intimacy is vital in a relationship then he will not even try a LDR. Because sooner or later, he will cheat on her (physically or mentally).
I guess the best part of LDR is you will get lots of breathing space. You are free to do whatever you want as long as you keep your virtual dates in mind. You won’t have the problem of a sticky girlfriend or boyfriend. I guess it’s a great way for both parties to grow and mature enough to handle such a relationship.
At the end of it all, LDR is really painful. Communication is key. Yes, we all know that but you need to communicate on the right issues. Are you ready to commit to that someone? LDR means one or the other has to compromise, that is, he or she has to move from his or her current location in order for it to work ultimately. This is easier said than done since most of the time, family and/or work can play an important role. Well, all I can say is, every single person is different, every LDR is different. Love can conquer everything but do you let it?
*Special Thanks to Sher from Ur Resident Chef for this guest post. Sher is a very long time friend and from whom I learned a great deal about dreams, love, commitment and passion.
Photo from barunpatro
Thank you also to PinkLady from Of Living and Loving… and Coping for passing me the Humane Award. It is truly my honor.
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by Symphony of Love, on August 10 2009 @ 11:05 pm
@ Sher, thanks a lot for this guest post. It certainly makes a lot of sense that Love is the one that can see us through anything including Long Distance Relationship. Most may be thinking that it takes more than love to make a LDR works. And you are right also; if we were to discuss it in greater details, there are more factors to consider for a successful LDR. However, from my perspectives, I would like to view all these factors as a subset of Love.
Now think about it, if your love for someone is so deep, then naturally you wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt the other person and naturally you trust the other person wholeheartedly and are fully committed to the other person. And likewise, the other person who loves you deeply will do the same. Hence, there shouldn’t be any cases of cheating on both side.
And the other thing which I agree with Sher is that for a LDR to work out ultimately, one party will have to compromise by moving to where the other party is located. This will take a great deal of love to make it happens since one is also bounded by one’s family and work in his or her current location. Relocating to be together is the biggest challenge and love can conquer the challenge.
Furthermore, LDR has definitely been made much easier through technologies. One can practically make a free (almost) call to the other person anytime. Not only that, one can also see the other party virtually through a webcam. Through internet, one can also surprise the other person with flowers and gifts.
Thus I can see more reasons how LDR can work out than not these days. However, as Sher mentioned, if you are the type that physical contact is important than you have better not start one. And if you cannot harbor the idea of relocating for the other person, you may want to keep off the thought of LDR too.
by Penny, on August 11 2009 @ 2:08 am
I went through LDR for around 10 months, and it was hard but I learned things that helped it. For example, building my own hobbies (e.g. blogging) really took up a lot of my time I could have otherwise spent worrying! Glad that you are finally through your own LDR.
Penny´s last blog ..Blur
by SheR, on August 11 2009 @ 3:48 am
Hi,
Thanks for publishing.
Me and my fiance will be separated for several months again soon. This article I wrote helps to remind me how much we went through to be together and how precious it is. Hopefully this is the last of our LDR and marriage keeps us together till we are old and grey!
SheR´s last blog ..Panko, Miso and Tonkatsu
by Symphony of Love, on August 11 2009 @ 5:21 am
@ Penny, yes, I do remembered reading about your LDR in your blog. Glad that it has finally worked out for you too. In LDR as in any normal relationships, each party will need their personal spaces too and it is good advice to find something of interest to occupy one’s time, which could otherwise be spent worrying.
@ Sher, I should be the one thanking you for taking the time out to share your experience. I certainly hope that all will turn out well for you.
by VanillaSeven, on August 11 2009 @ 9:43 pm
Lol, I love when you said “… sticky girlfriend and boyfriend”
We may have breather space during dating period. My question is, how do you handle the “sticky” situation after you got married? Isn’t it a bit too late?
VanillaSeven´s last blog ..Perhentian Kecil Island Escapade_The End
by Symphony of Love, on August 12 2009 @ 6:44 am
@ VanillaSeven, LOL, I am not sure how Sher will be handling this “sticky” situation but I believe even married couple need to have personal breathing space. In order for that to happen, both parties will need to understand this point. Else one party will feel tied down and the other party feel that he/she is not getting enough attention.
by Lara, on August 12 2009 @ 5:26 pm
I’m so glad to find other people actually talking about the triumphs and pitfalls of a LDR. When my husband & I had to live apart due to careers I couldn’t find any sort of support online. Thanks for your candid (and hopeful) blog.
Best,
Lara
by Symphony of Love, on August 13 2009 @ 4:28 pm
@ Lara, I certainly hope there will be more stories of triumphs in LDR.
by SheR, on August 14 2009 @ 4:43 am
I certainly know a fair bit of expat women who have been through LDR and now living blissful lives! The lady living in Hungary was going through LDR for 4 years!
SheR´s last blog ..Panko, Miso and Tonkatsu 
by Symphony of Love, on August 14 2009 @ 4:05 pm
@ Sher, it is certainly good to know.
by When I Wander, on August 15 2009 @ 10:16 am
If the two parties indeed really “need” to be with each other, LDR is not bad. It is also good in a way, to finally test the strength of the couple’s commitment to each other. If they don’t succeed, better that they realize this earlier than when after they got married, right?
When I Wander´s last blog ..A Great International Ladies Night
by Symphony of Love, on August 15 2009 @ 5:49 pm
@ Webloglearner, indeed, LDR is a good way to test the strength of the couple’s commitment to each other.
by Xavier, on August 24 2009 @ 7:10 am
Thanks to Sher for the wonderful post and for introducing me to this marvellous website. Brings out the best possibility in people while reading thru the website.
Having been in a recent failed LDR , its this website and Sher stories that inspires me that somewhere out there there is happiness to be found.
Thanks guys
by Symphony of Love, on August 24 2009 @ 5:45 pm
@ Xavier, thank you for your kind comment. I am glad that this humble website brought you inspiration. And you are right, somewhere out there there is happiness to be found or rather it is time to ‘go through another door’ or to ‘create a new door.’
by Eren Mckay, on August 31 2009 @ 12:16 pm
This is a very important point that you bring up.
I believe it’s a matter of “Do we believe that this is the person that we are supposed to be married to?”
I think that when we truly believe that we have met “the person” that we are to be with.
My parents formed a long distance relationship where my dad was from Brazil and my mom from the U.S.- she decided to marry and move to Brazil and they have been married 37 years on September 5th
So it all really depends on the relationship. I agree that it’s very hard though.
All the best,
Eren Mckay
Eren Mckay´s last blog ..Biblical creation vs. evolution videos & scientific evidence & facts
by Symphony of Love, on September 1 2009 @ 4:24 am
@ Eren, a lot of times we won’t really know if the person is supposed to be the one we are supposed to be married. It is sort of a faith and guts feeling. And a great deal of time, we are the ones who are supposed to make the relationships work. I am so happy to hear about the success story of your parents. It is an inspiration to many. It will be nice to have your parents shared about their story.
by Ben, on December 6 2009 @ 6:19 pm
Yep, you’re absolutely correct. Communication is key. But this is the age of communication after all. And when you can chat and talk with someone everyday, the distance doesn’t really seem that long anymore.
Ben´s last blog ..Ecclesiastes Study — Everything Beautiful
by Symphony of Love, on December 6 2009 @ 8:59 pm
@ Ben, indeed, in this age of communication, most can chat and talk with someone everyday and that distance doesn’t seem that long instantly.