Attitude, Communication Skill, Healthy Relationships, How to improve relationship with spouse, Ideas and Tips to improve you relationship, Life, Love, Marital Retreat, Marriage counseling, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Spending Quality Time, Stopping a divorce

How To Try And Save A Marriage

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December 29, 2006

Quite a good article I read about saving the marriage. Indeed marriage could get pretty stressful at time and it would really be a good idea to take a break together and spend time with each other. Remember that marriage is all about making it works and good communication definitely let a couple stays connected.

“Can you still do something to save your dying marriage?”

The fact is, there are lots of ways to save a dying marriage and prevent divorce. And if the couple wills it, they can successfully bring back the excitement that is last felt long time ago.

Marital retreat

Married life can be stressful. The work, children, financial obligations, and the overwhelming tasks of living contribute to the slow death of marriage. And in this modern time where it is hard to stay way from stress, the marriage will more likely to fail simply because it never occurred into the couples’ mind that all they need to do is to rest.

Slowing down and taking the time to rest and to forget all the things that keep the couples away from each other could mean bringing back the lost excitement that the couples once have. Spending quality time with each other together with other couples in a marital retreat can work on saving the marriage before it even gets to your mind.

Admitting the mistakes of couples and forgiving each other for any sin they have committed and pain they have caused to one another could save marriage.

Improving the things that has caused cheating to happen is an effective way to keep the family in tacked.

Seeking professional advices and couples therapy is a great way to heal any wound caused by infidelity.

Improving communication

There will come a time when marriage is going nowhere but down. One of the reasons for this is the lack of communication from both parties. This could be because of the limited time they spend together mainly because of career. While making money is important, taking care of the family is priceless. Communication keeps couples emotionally connected. And spending quality time together provides a good venue to keep the lines open.

Marriage counseling is often seen as the last resort in the attempt to save marriage. This is very unfortunate since marriage counselors can be more effective if the couple has seek help when the problem is just beginning to arise. What is more unfortunate is that the notion that once the couples decide to go to marital counseling sessions they have already given up since there are already tremendous emotional buildup inside marriage and there is nowhere to go but to separate. 

Marital counseling should be taken as one of the more effective ways to save marriage and not just as a final nail on the coffin of marriage.

About The Author: Stopping a divorce and starting to recover and heal a wounded relationship is difficult, but possible, and many have succeeded and found themselves in love again, and with the intact family. Learn about Stopping A Divorce at http://stopdivorce.zupatips.com

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Life

The Power of Moderation

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December 26, 2006

By Dr. Joan F. Marques

If you allow yourself you can drive everything to the extreme. Most of the time that’s not a good idea. Even the pleasant things in life become hazardous when applied excessively. Some examples? Excessive eating can lead to obesity, excessive dieting to anorexia; excessive partying to empty pockets, excessive working to stress; excessive traveling to alienation of loved ones, and excessive home-boundness to boredom.

The art of living may very well lie in finding the right balance between all extremes that are offered to us. Seen in that light, successful living could easily be defined as applying the right degree of moderation. “The right degree” is a very subjective amount, though, because it will vary from one person to another, depending on variables such as age, environment, preferences, and in many cases also financial capacity.

All of the above may seem pretty straightforward when merely reading it, and perhaps even unnecessary to mention, but it is far more difficult to apply once you really get confronted with the choices in life. We often get overzealous when we engage in enthralling activities, and lose touch with our rational side until it’s too late and the damage is hard to repair.

The other day I was visiting Las Vegas and found myself in a crowd of people staring at the ceiling over Fremont Street. Those of you who have been to Las Vegas know how high the top of this fancy street overarch really is. There, on the top, stood a man, and the rumor went that he was about to jump in an attempt to commit suicide. Why? He had gotten out of touch with his sense of moderation and lost a large sum of money through gambling. More money than he could justify – so his only way out seemed to end it all.

This example may illustrate how difficult it is to remain moderate when we face fascinating temptations. Our specific area of weakness determines what we should be overly cautious about. If we like eating, we should instate alert mechanisms in that area. If it’s gambling, dieting, partying, working, drinking, smoking, or anything else that we are overly zealous in, we should do the same with those. How? Here’s an idea:

1.. First determine your zone of weakness. You may very well find more than one. Most people do.

2.. Determine what you consider “moderation” in this area. What level should you apply to stay out of physical, psychological, legal, or spiritual trouble? Consider this when you are sober and not around or in desperate need of your object of weakness. So, for instance, don’t determine what is moderate in eating if you are hungry.

3.. Set a time frame to your self-determined moderation. Your time frame could be a day, a week, a month, or a year. If you want to moderate your smoking, for instance, determine how many cigarettes you consider reasonable per day.

4.. Decide on a control mechanism. If you feel strong enough to moderate yourself, write down your resolution and keep track of your actions. If you feel that you need external help, identify a buddy of whom you’re willing to accept advise – and stick to it.

5.. Evaluate your achievements regularly. Monthly may be the best way to go for most weaknesses.

As you may have concluded by now, it’s not as easy as it seems to moderate ourselves. The numbers of obese and anorexic people, excessive smokers, drug-, alcohol-, and gambling addicts, workaholics and other excessive performers attest to this fact. Moderation, once achieved, is a private but very rewarding victory – and can make a difference like day or night about our self-perception.

About the author:

Dr. Joan Marques is a professor of business and management, and co-founder/board member of the Business Renaissance Institute. She has authored 2 books on the topics of Leadership and Global Awareness, and is currently working on two additional ones on Workplace Spirituality, and Leadership. She regularly co-organizes workshops for business and non-profit organizations in Los Angeles.

Visit my website at: http://www.joanmarques.com/

It is better to live in serene poverty than in hectic affluence. Everything has a price. The price for nurturing your soul is turning away from excessive stress, destruction of self-respect, and the constant strive in lifestyle with the Joneses. But it’s worth it.

Attitude, Happiness, Healthy Relationships, How to improve relationship with spouse, Ideas and Tips to improve you relationship, Kindness, Love, Marriage, Relationship

The Power Of Kindness In Relationships

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December 25, 2006

There is one choice you can make that will heal many of your relationship problems. This is the choice of kindness – to both yourself and to others.

This may sound simple, yet for many people, there is one choice far more important to them than kindness. This is the choice to attempt to control others’ feeling and behavior, outcomes, and their own painful feelings.

Kindness to yourself and to others comes from a desire to support your own highest good and the highest good of others. When your highest priority is to support the highest good of all, you are naturally kind. You don’t even have to think about it. It flows easily when your deepest desire is to be a loving, caring person.

But when your deepest desire is to protect yourself from getting hurt, then your automatic choice, particularly in conflict, is likely to attempt to control; with anger, withdrawal, blame, judgment, compliance, or resistance.

Jack claimed to love his wife Jenny. Yet as soon as Jenny didn’t do what he wanted or expected, he would immediately become angry, blaming and judgmental. Jenny, frightened of his anger and of losing his love, would immediately defend and then comply with Jack’s wishes, hoping to have control over his feelings and behavior toward her.

Jenny was afraid to do what she wanted to do. She constantly monitored her behavior, telling herself, “Jack will get mad if I do that.”

With all this anger, defensiveness and compliance, the fun, joy and passion that had been so wonderful at the beginning of their relationship was often non-existent.

Jack and Jenny sought my help because their marriage was in trouble and they wanted to save it. They both loved their two small children and didn’t want to break up the family.

As Jack and Jenny worked through the control issues that each had learned in their families, they started to have fewer conflict. Yet when a conflict did arise, each would automatically revert to their old behavior.

“I am going to give both of you an assignment,” I told them in our phone session. “It is a simple assignment, although not at all easy. This week, I want both of you to focus on being kind to yourselves and to each other. You will not be able to be kind to the other if you are not being kind to yourself. Jack, if you do not take loving care of yourself, you will end up feeling angry with Jenny. Jenny, if you are not taking loving care of yourself, you will end up trying to control Jack with your defensiveness and compliance. I know both of you try very hard to be kind to your children. I want both of you to practice treating yourselves and each other with the same kindness with which you treat your children.”

Both Jack and Jenny agreed to practice this assignment.

The next week, in their phone session, both of them claimed that the first four days of last week had been the best days in years.

“But then we slipped back into our old patterns,” said Jack. I forgot about kindness. Why is it so hard to remember?

“Jack, both you and Jenny have been practicing your controlling behaviors for your whole lives. These patterns are not easy to change. Your automatic unconscious response to fear is to control in some way. It takes a lot of practice for these patterns to change. You need to practice and practice making a conscious choice to be kind rather than slipping into the unconscious choice to control.”

Today, Jack and Jenny’s relationship is much improved. While they still occasionally revert to their controlling behavior, they are able to be kind much more of the time. As a result they are having more fun with each other, and their sexual relationship has greatly improved.

About The Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of eight books, including “Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You?” and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:[email protected]. Phone Sessions.

Relationship, Romantic Tips

How to Attract Anyone You Want

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December 24, 2006

Whether it is seduction you have on your mind, the art of love or just some playful flirting, there are ways for both men and women to attract anyone they want. First of all, no matter where you are, always appear friendly and approachable to everyone. Women want men to know that they are strong but it is not recommended that you take up too much space in the area you are standing in.

Women should stand with their toes pointed at a slightly inward angle and their feet should be no more than six inches apart from the other. For men, a dominant stanch is what draws in women. Men are able to take up a larger area of space without looking superior and their toes should point outward with their feet approximately six to ten inches apart.

If you are a man who has trouble attracting women, wear clothes that are conservative in style. This works for your haircut as well. Always remember to hold your head up when you are out in public and speaking with others and speak a little faster as it makes you appear both very competent as well as assertive.

Body language speaks volumes to the opposite sex so do not slouch, appear bored, fold your arms and do not engage in chewing your fingernails, gum or even ice cubes. The chewing action translates to feelings of frustration, nervousness or anxiety and these are all turnoffs for the opposite sex.

Smiling puts other individuals at ease and makes you appear warm, friendly and approachable. Make sure though that you are wearing a normal, regular smile and not a phony, plastered on smile. Also always keep eye contact with a person you are conversing with and keep the tone of your voice pleasant and interested in the conversation. Remember that being a good listener makes you more attractive as well.

Color has a way of drawing in the opposite sex and different colors work for men and women. The color blue attracts women to men as blue often symbolizes that a man is capable of being monogamous, is stable, dependable and loyal. Blue is a reassuring color for a woman. It is recommended that women wear a color that complements their skin tone to attract men and for most women that means a pink or peach color which also makes them appear approachable. Pink is a vulnerable shade that is very feminine and for that reason it appeals to the protective side of a man’s nature. As well pink gives the skin a healthy look, which is always good.

Strong women often enjoy wearing strong colors such as deep red, plum or burgundy and a man who cannot handle this kind of a woman is not likely to approach one wearing any of these shades. Red is a very seductive, sensual color but it is also the color that stands for both sex and power. Red is exciting and gets the adrenalin racing but always wear it with caution.

The color to avoid for both sexes is the yellowish green shade that looks like a caterpillar. This shade is not advisable to wear for either men or women who wish to attract the opposite sex. In fact this color often does not complement many people’s skin coloring.

Scents play a role in attraction and studies have shown that men are attracted to the scents of vanilla and cinnamon while women like the smell of black licorice. If you can incorporate any of these into your attraction repertoire then go ahead and do so!

About The Author: Dustin is owner of http://JustArticlesVIP.com and writes on a variety of subjects. To learn more about this topic Dustin recommends you visit:
http://www.adult-easy-dating.com/

Romantic Tips

Dating Tips for Men

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December 24, 2006

No matter how confident a man is, at some point in time he is likely to have a difficult time trying to figure out what he is supposed to say to a woman when they are out on a date and how he is supposed to act. While every date is unique in its own way, there are certain guidelines that are wise to follow in order for a date to be as successful as possible. Let’s look at some dating tips for men.

It is always advisable to look your best and to smell your best as women notice these things right away. Always, always arrive for the date on time. Never be late but do not be too early either. If you arrive late, especially if you are in the early stages of dating then to a woman this looks like either you are going to stand her up or you do not care about the evening ahead as much as you should. In the same way do not arrive too early at her home or she is likely to feel awkward if she is not ready to go yet. If you are meeting at a restaurant or a coffee shop, always be the first to arrive.

Flowers are a nice gesture towards any woman, regardless of whether this is the first time you are taking her out or if you have been dating for weeks, months or even longer. Some people think that flowers are old fashioned and out dated but women appreciate the small details and a man who brings a flower or flowers will be thought fondly of. What type of flowers you bring is not as important as the fact that you chose to bring them at all.

All women want to be treated like the ladies they are so men always remember to open car doors, restaurant doors, movie theatre doors and the like for the object of your affection. Pull out her chair for her at a restaurant and give her time to sit down before you do so. When you open a door for her, let her walk in ahead of you and never rush in ahead of her. Many people perceive this to be rude for a man to do. Show respect at all times and your date will notice and will be pleased.

Men’s dating tips would not be complete without revealing the fact that having a winning sense of humor goes a long way in impressing a woman. Laughter is something that both sexes share and it is advantageous for a man to be able to take a lighthearted approach on a date and help make a woman feel at ease by making her laugh. Just make sure your humor is not in any way derogatory to any particular group of people and make sure it is not sexist or crude. Your all time favorite dirty jokes are better left for another time.

Unless you work together, do not talk shop with a person you are out with. In other words do not bore her with all of the details about your occupation. If she asks you about your job, answer her honestly but keep it brief. If you want to know a little something about her job then go ahead and ask but for the most part stick with topics that allow you to get to know her better.

About The Author: Dustin is owner of http://JustArticles VIP.com and writes on a variety of subjects. To learn more about this topic Dustin recommends you visit:
http://www.adult- easy-dating. com/

Romantic Tips

Woman’s Touch: Dating Do’s and Don’t’s For Females

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December 21, 2006

It can be difficult to be a woman in the dating arena. A lot of things can go wrong for you more so than for your male counterpart. Plus, men can be really dense about a few things. Well, no worries. Here are a few tips on what to do and not to do during a date: 

1) Timing is important – Timing as in ‘on time’. No matter what they say, there is no such thing as ‘fashionably late’. For the first date, this can give the guy jitters and make him think that you’ve stood him up. For the later dates, having him wait for you in the living room for half an hour with either your roommate, your sister or, worse, your father is not something you want him to do – whether it be for the embarrassing stories or Dad’s ‘eyes of doom’. 

2) Keep your head on straight – Yes, we all know dates are supposed to be fun, but knowing what’s going on is important both for your own safety and for your love life. Is your date acting suspiciously or is he just nervous? Maybe you’d want to end the date early or do something to calm him down. Is he taking notice of what you’re wearing or just ogling? The choice to either wink at him or just stare knowingly is up to you. Is his attention on you or the girl next to you? You might wish to reward him with a smile or a slap. Situational awareness is not just for soldiers on the front but also for young women on the prowl. 

3) Be nice – Have a positive attitude, find things that you like and tell him. Compliment him about his clothes, how he looks and how well the date is going. It puts him at ease and also makes him feel important. It also shows him that you’re taking notice of him and you appreciate him. But, don’t lie. Like I said, look at the bright side of things – the service of the restaurant may have been slow but the ambience was terrific.

4) Do not complain – This may be technically part of tip three, but it deserves a separate heading. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t tell him that something is wrong or something makes you uncomfortable. The way you phrase it and the tone you use is important here. ‘Venting’, like we do with our girl friends, is not going to go over well with him since he’ll probably misinterpret it. Grin and bear it then tell him after the date in calmly what your problem was. Trust me, he’ll understand and he’ll try to make it up to you.

5) Enjoy the date – A date is a chance to get to know each other and to enjoy yourselves. Have fun during the date. Try not to be hyper-critical, but just take things in your stride. If you’re not having fun, your date will notice and, trust me, he will get nervous which will probably start ruining the experience for both of you. Also, just let your guard down for a little while. Let him see the real you. He may or may not like it, but in the end he will appreciate the honesty of the act. Besides, if he doesn’t like you for you, why should you keep on dating?

6) Afterwards, show interest – If you really like the guy, waiting for the call after a successful date is nerve-wracking. You know he’s interested and you’re definitely interested, you’re just waiting for him to call you so you could arrange another date. Try giving him a day or two. He usually has to get his act together and work up the courage to call. If he doesn’t call, he’s probably still tongue-tied from being in your presence. Call him up to say hello. Talk about the date and how you had fun and give hints. No matter how dense he is, he should then pick up on it and ask you for another date!

7) Be consistent – For those who’ve crossed the ‘First Date’ Rubicon, try maintaining the impression you made on him during the first date. Men don’t like surprises except, of course, if they plan them. This doesn’t mean, however, that you’ll just give him the first date you. Talk to each other, both on and off dates, to get to know each other more. What he got on the first date was a sneak peek, what he should get from your continued dating should be the entire reel.

Well, there they are seven tips for dating success! Hopefully, this advice could help lead you through today’s tough tangle of relationships. Happy hunting!

About The Author: What to look out for in married dating? Find out at http://www.dating-married.info

Affection, Appreciation, Attitude, Children, Family, Inspiring, Lesson in Life, Life, Love Stories, Random Kindness, Reflection, Relationship, Unconditional Love

The Doll and the Rose

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December 15, 2006

The Doll and the white roseA touching story and a good reminder: “Take time to appreciate what you have now.” The love of the little boy for his mother and sister is so pure and innocent. A classic example of unconditional giving without any expectation in return. Holiday season is just around the corner and you will bound to have lots of parties coming up. Do remind yourself not to drink and drive at the same time; for the safety of others and yourself.

On the last day before Christmas, I hurried to go to the supermarket to buy the remaining of the gift I didn’t manage to buy earlier.

When I saw all the people there, I started to complain to myself, “It is going to take forever here and I still have so many other places to go. Christmas really is getting more and more annoying every year. How I wish I could just lie down, go to sleep and only wake up after it …”

Nonetheless, I made my way to the toy section, and there I started to curse the prices, wondering if after all kids really play with such expensive toys.

While looking in the toy section, I noticed a small boy of about 5 years old, pressing a doll against his chest. He kept on touching the hair of the doll and looked so sad. I wondered who was this doll for. Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him, “Granny, are you sure I don’t have enough money?”

The old lady replied, “You know that you don’t have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.”

Then she asked him to stay here for 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.

Finally, I started to walk toward him and I asked him who did he want to give this doll to. “It is the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for this Christmas. She was so sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.”

I replied to him that may be Santa Claus will bring it to her, after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. “No, Santa Claus cannot bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mother so that she can give it to her when she goes there.”His eyes were so sad while saying this. “My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mummy will also go to see God very soon, so I thought that she could bring the doll with her to give it to my sister.”

My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said, “I told daddy to tell mummy not to go yet. I asked him to wait until I come back from the supermarket.”

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me, “I also want mummy to take this photo with her so that she will not forget me.” I love my mummy and I wish she doesn’t have to leave me but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.”

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and took a few notes and said to the boy, “What if we checked again, just in case if you have enough money?”

“Ok,” he said. “I hope that I have enough.”

I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll, and even some spare money.

The little boy said, “Thank you God for giving me enough money.” Then he looked at me and added, “I asked yesterday before I slept for God to make sure I have enough money to buy this doll so that mummy can give it to my sister. He heard me.” “I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mummy, but I didn’t dare to ask God too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and the white rose.”

“You know, my mummy loves white rose.”

A few minutes later, the old lady came again and I left with my trolley. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn’t get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local newspaper article 2 days ago, which mentioned of a drunk man in a truck who hit a car where there was one young lady and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-assisting machine, because the young lady would not be able to get out of the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed away. I couldn’t stop myself and went to buy a bunch of white roses and I went to the mortuary where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wish before burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place crying, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that this little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to that day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk man had taken all this away from him.

Photo Credit: Staci Flick
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