Lyrics of Somebody by Depeche Mode

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who’ll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She’ll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She’ll hear me out
And won’t easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she’ll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who’ll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don’t want to be tied
To anyone’s strings
I’m carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I’m asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I’ll get away with it

© 1984 Martin Lee Gore

The questions are, “Was person A seeking solutions from person B for her problems at work? Or person A simply needed a listening ear?” There are no straightforward answers for this.

This is one common mistake in relationship which I tend to make very often previously. Usually when someone told me his/her problem, I just assumed that I was supposed to fix it. You can guess the frustration when the person said, “I didn’t ask for your opinion or advice.” In my mind I was wondering, “Why are you telling me about your problem in the first place when you don’t need my opinion or advice?” I didn’t understand that the person just needed someone to talk to and at time to sympathize with his/her situation.

I have come to realise that we are not expected to fix problems always from books and seminars which I attended. From then onwards, I tried to be a mind-reader; trying my best to grasp what the other person needed. Sometimes I was right, sometimes I was wrong. Wouldn’t it be much easier if the person just tell us what he/she wants?

In the book ‘Finding the Words: Candid Conversations with Loved Ones,’ the author Susan P. Halpern cited a story:

Lester felt inadequate, he realized, when Judy aired her personal concerns. He did not know what to do or say. His impulse was to think up a solution right away. All Judy wanted from Lester was that he listen when she talked about herself. He did not need to fix anything.

… Only by telling our partner what we want can the need be met. Judy realised that she only wanted to be listened to. That was it. She wanted to hear herself talk through her issues, maybe get a little sympathy, and she would be fine.

When Lester came up with his great ideas, Judy felt he was saying she was dumb for not thinking of them herself. She felt belittled and dependent. He was the only one who could fix things, she felt.

When she told him that she just needed time to talk and a friendly ear, she felt better and she went on to handle her problems in her own way. Judy had to tell Lester that she just wanted him to listen, and he learned to do just that.

In communication, we not only need to listen attentively, patiently and openly but we also need to convey our thought and need accordingly. Trying to read mind or assuming the need of another is a mistake that cause tension and conflict between a couple, family members and friends. We need to clearly communicate to each other what we want.

Over the past few days, the religious harmony which religious leaders and the general public has been working hard to achieve was disturbed by one senior pastor’s insensitive and inappropriate presentation and comments about Buddhists and Taoists in front of his congregation. The pastor’s comments had been video-recorded and made available on the church’s website and subsequently became available on Youtube and other websites. His comments also gave rise to tension and conflict between the Buddhist/Taoist and Christian communities.

Fortunately, the incident was quickly contained and resolved even before it got any worse. The pastor has since made public apology to the Buddhists and Taoists for being insensitive and offensive in his presentation and comments. He also solemnly promised that it would never happen again. I certainly hope he meant what he said. I can’t imagine what the dire consequences would have been if this matter was not taken care of.

This brings me to the important role a religious leader plays in leading and setting the right example. I believe that religions are good in general as they promote good-will, peace, and the acceptance of others. Religion, in fact is neutral; it is the misinterpretation of the teachings in religion by individual that will either do good or do bad. While we must have faith in our religions, we must understand that the religious leaders who preach the teachings are human too. Thus, each of us can play a policing role to contribute to religious harmony too.

When I was reading on the basic of Buddhism during my younger days, I came across something written in the book which left a deep impression in me. In his teaching, Buddha advised his disciples not to accept his words on blind faith, but to decide for themselves whether his teachings are right or wrong, then follow them. He encouraged everyone to have compassion for each other and develop their own virtue, “You should do your own work, for I can teach only the way.”

I am not religious in person but like Abraham Lincoln, I believe in doing good; That is my religion too. I believe in supporting the highest good of ourselves and others.