No, I did not coin that line. That line was thought of by Yasmin Ahmad and her team. Whoever thought of that line is brilliant; such a simple line and yet enlightening.

Last night, I was chatting with a friend and she was talking to me about her past relationships and somehow I told her something like this, “when you are in love with a person, you will love the person as a whole. You can’t just choose what you love about a person and then write off those parts that you don’t like.” Relationship doesn’t happen this way. Very often when we love someone, we have to accept the ‘package’ that comes with the person, be it good or bad.

And yet there are some who are still searching for the ideal or perfect partner.

Below is a new TV commercial launched by the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) which looks at relationships in a different light. Something from the video that we can use to remind ourselves of the beautifully imperfections: “ … in the end, its these small things that you remember … little imperfections that make them perfect for you.” Perhaps, you can spare 3 minutes of your time to watch this video?

Burden of care? Would you ever consider taking care of loved ones to be a burden? I certainly hope not. Taking care of loved ones is never a burden; it is love and responsibility. I do not deny there might be times when one will feel that way; this is normal as no one is perfect in this world – we are striving to be a better person but never perfect. There will be a time when taking care of loved ones is no longer a responsibility but out of unconditional love and giving.

Frankly speaking, I wouldn’t know if I will feel that way. I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t at this point of time when I have not gone through it. My mother and I had a few days of experience with my grandmother when we brought her home to stay with us for a few days. The first day was alright, she was happy. However, from the second day onwards, she started to miss home, was asking questions repetitively and was telling us to send her home the next day; she never stopped to worry about her son, daughter-in-law and grandchildren at home. She did not sleep well at night and walked around the house in the dark. And we couldn’t sleep well too as we were worried about her; looking out for her and checking on the slightest sound to make sure she was alright.

The challenge of taking care of loved ones is real but it is never a burden. One really really needs to be very very patient. I am grateful for the experience that my grandmother gave to me; it made me realise how important unconditional love is. This also provides me an unique opportunity to prepare myself to love and to give unconditionally. Something from the story below, “True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.”

She Doesn’t Know Me, But I Still Know Who She Is

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80′s, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb.

He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him.

I saw him looking at his watch, and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor’s appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I inquired as to her health; he told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer’s disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.

He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, ‘And you still go every morning, even though she doesn’t know who you are’? He smiled as he patted my hand and said, ‘She doesn’t know me, but I still know who she is’.

I had to hold back tears as he left; I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, ‘That is the kind of love I want in my life’. True love is neither physical, nor romantic.

True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails, sometimes there is one that comes along that has an important message. This one I thought I could share with you.

The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

Alright, enough of my eventful days! The other day I was chatting with a friend on MSN and she was sharing with me something about her relationship; she was feeling a little confused and lost at this moment. There are basically three issues from what I gathered from her.

First, it is the challenge of language. Although both share some common languages, both can communicate, with limitations in the common languages only; My friend understands some Cantonese only and her boyfriend understands some of her Mandarin only. English is out too as it is not the main language that both use to communicate usually. This resulted in numerous arguments from usually small misunderstandings – the messages were not spoken as intended. What seems like a big issue could have been easily resolved by learning to be more proficient in their common languages.

I had a similar experience before with a girl. Both of us did not speak each other language. Our common language is English only. The challenge was in the different ways we speak English; Sometimes she might mean one thing but the way I received her message, it might mean another thing. I tried to work around the issue by learning her language and while doing that, I was careful in our communication to make sure that we received the true meanings of each other messages and not what we perceived the messages to be. Well, it might seem like a lot of trouble and effort. Isn’t that what relationship is about? I have always believe that we have to put in the effort and time to make relationships work; regardless of whether the relationship is between you and your partner, or between you and your family or friends or co-workers.

The second issue was distance. Long distance relationship is always a challenge to most people and most wouldn’t even want to start one to begin with. There is a need to put in time and effort even when both of you are physically in the same location. The time spends in the long distance relationship should be about the same but the effort should be magnified many times. In additional to the time and effort, there needs to be a greater amount of trust.

The third issue, which is also what I deem to be very important is complex of equivalents. Big term right? Hehe. That was what I read from a book, Life by Design by Dr. Rick Kirschner and Dr. Rick Brinkman. What happened was that when my friend was unhappy, her boyfriend did not show any care and concern but just left her alone. Some of us would have stood up and said, “how can he do that?” And some would have said he did the right thing. So what is right and what is wrong? The truth is, both are right in their ways in handling the ‘unhappy incidence.’

The point is that both see things differently or rather carry out different action on the ‘unhappy incidence.’ From my friend’s point of view, when she is unhappy, she expects her boyfriend to show care and concern and to ask her questions. However, to her boyfriend, when he is unhappy, maybe he likes to be left alone to sort it out. That is why I said both are right in their ways in handling the ‘unhappy incidence.’ Have you been through similar situations where you had shown concern but thing got worse? This could probably be the reason why. The good thing is it can be easily resolved through communication and yet it can be challenging to some to try to sit down and put things across.

I asked a friend today how he will be celebrating his Valentine’s Day with his girlfriend. He told me he asked his girlfriend whether she will like to have a candle light dinner. However, she said that she preferred to have dinner at food court. I guess when you are with the one you love, it does not really matter where you eat or what you will be doing. Wishing all a Happy Valentine’s Day!

Heart-shaped boxes full of candy. Red and pink cards. Roses. Bags of chocolate kisses and hard candies that say, “Be mine.” Advertisements for diamonds in all sizes, shapes and forms. It’s hard to forget the fact that Valentine’s Days is upon us once again. Valentine’s Day represents a wonderful opportunity to tell those we care about the most how we truly feel about them and reminds us that we really should be doing this every day of the year. It’s amazing how a small expression of love and appreciation can improve a relationship, but many of us forget this little bit of relationship advice. For this reason, for most couples Valentine’s Day offers a great chance to recommit to truly appreciating and loving each other.

If you are newly in love, you likely express your feelings both verbally and physically often and shower your partner with flowers and love-laced poems, cards and gifts on a regular basis. Valentine’s day represents just one more opportunity to do more of the same. That’s one of the reasons that new relationships thrive – the partners are so focused on showing their love and appreciation for each other.

If you are in a long-term relationship, however, you might more often forget to say “I love you” or to show your spouse or significant other on a regular basis that he or she is appreciated and adored. In other words, you might not appreciate your partner or spouse – or show that appreciation even if you feel it. Such couples should celebrate Valentine’s even if they don’t feel like it, because it’s a great reminder and opportunity to express their love and to show their appreciation outwardly for those deep down inside they care about most – even if they no longer realize it.

If you are stuck in a relationship rut, Valentine’s Day can serve as the beginning of a new “love and appreciation” campaign that last not just for 24 hours but all year long – in fact, all relationship long. Instead of making February 14th a Hallmark holiday – one that simply involves the purchasing of a card and a gift – you can make it the first day that you commit to revving up the romance in your relationship and in your life. You can spend time and energy remember and expressing all the reasons why you first loved and appreciated your partner, and then you can watch how the relationship heats up.

The longer people are married or together, the more common it is for them to take each other and their relationship for granted. So, Valentine’s Day offers them a chance to remember how much they love and appreciate each other. It’s a chance to commemorate the many year’s they’ve been together and to recommit to their relationship once again.

Just like an anniversary or a retaking of wedding vows, Valentine’s day can be a time when couples say, “I’d marry you all over again.” Or it can be a time to look back over the years and remember both the good and the bad times, the easy and the hard times, and to be grateful they weathered them all together.

Since Valentine’s Day does only come once a year, remember to show your appreciation and gratitude for those you love on a regular basis. It’s so easy to forget to say “thank you” and “I really appreciate it when you do that” and “I love you.” Learn to shower your partner with gratitude so he or she always feels loved and appreciated. Don’t wait for a special day like Valentine’s Day. Do it every day. Your partner will love you for it. And your love will grow because of it.