Over last weekend while I was reading the newspaper, I came across an article by Janice Tay, a freelance writer, who was studying in a Japanese language school in Kyoto. It was time for her and her classmates to graduate and time for them to bid Sayoranara to each other. They had been in Kyoto for a year and a half and some of them had grown so attach to each other that it was hard for some of them to say goodbye. I believe that most of us would be able to relate to what they felt as we had already gone through similar experience in our lives.
They were having a farewell party at the pub and everyone was drinking and catching up for the last time before going their separate way. It had gone to a point whereby some were getting emotional and were weeping. In that moment, someone said, “Don’t cry – everyone will be friends forever.” Yes. That is true to certain extent and only for a few. I particularly agree with the author’s point of view that ‘keeping in touch with someone you can’t see and hear takes energy and imagination that few have.‘ If you and the person you are keeping in touch with believe in this. There will be a good chance to be friends forever. Otherwise, one will find it challenging even to find time to send an email. Friends forever – it is possible when both sides make time and effort plus a right portion of expectation. In fact, what is being said here can be applied to most relationships. In order to make a relationship work, it takes a good amount of communication but you will need to find time and to put in the effort to communicate in the first place.
Well, the key thing in the article that caught my attention was not how to be friends forever but rather in a statement that Janice wrote ‘You can’t take today with you.‘ What immediately came across my mind when I was reading it is that the statement makes a lot of positive sense. It reminds me of a quotation by Helen Keller.
“When one door of happiness closes, another opens: but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”
How often have you come across someone who told you that he/she had just broken up? Most initial response will be, “You will find someone new.” And isn’t that true for most people … eventually? The ones that never found someone new, most probably they never allowed themselves to start looking again after they went through the unhappy relationship.
The underlying issue is that some people tend to hold on to the broken relationships longer than they should have. A question which I read in some books with a little modification, “If you knew that you would win the game by doing your best, how would you play the game?” For sure you would have played it confidently and have given it your best shot. The same rule can be applied here, “If you knew that you would meet someone new eventually, would you leave the closed door as soon as it closed and start to look for another open door?”
For one who believes that thing always happened for a reason, one will not have any challenges of moving on. You may ask me, “For what reason it happened?” What I can say is that we may not always see the reason immediately when it happened but when we do, it will be like “Ahem, so that’s why!” And sometimes we may not even realise the reason.
Naturally, life won’t be the same when we let go of what is already gone. However, I could not have put it more aptly than Janice, ‘different doesn’t have to mean worse.’ It is not a guarantee always that different will be good when you chose to let go. But it is a sure guarantee that life ‘stop’ when you continue to hold on to what is already gone. Like the farmer ploughing in the field, there is never a guarantee of a good harvest. The farmer knew that one has to continue to plough if one wants a harvest and like the law of seed, the more one ploughs, the chance of a good harvest increases. It is when the ploughing gets the tougher, it means that the harvest is nearer. Just like the say, “when the night is the darkest, it means that soon the day will break.”
We can’t take today with us … so we have to continue to move forward with the faith that tomorrow will be better and a lot of times, it really depends on ourselves to make tomorrow better. I wish goodness in everyday of your life and that you will have the courage to move forward fearlessly.
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Photo credit: fak1911
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Well said. Why do we only think about the good ol’ memories when a relationship end?
Shouldn’t we be dwelling on the parts that hurt the most in it which brings us to the ending?
Human minds are strange in selecting only the good things to remember at the wrong time.
Past is past. But we can’t forget. That’s why we are lingering…
Yes. Past is past. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. When we have let go, it doesn’t matter really if we still remember the bad or good memories. Be happy now Mate 🙂
Well BK, I must say that you must be really inspired these days to come up with such a moving journal.
Anyway,I definitely agree that one should let go of the past, especially the ones that brought them excruciating experience (pain). However, the lesson it brought that person should be kept forever, thus giving him/her the opportunity to use them as he /she goes forward in his/her life.
No matter how painful a situation can be, at the end of the road, a ray of light is waiting to be caught. So, always look at the brighter side of every situation!
See you soon BK!
It’s the art of letting go. Very nice article. I will dig it.
Hi Emelyn, it was the thought that went through my mind (or in Tagalog you will say ‘ito ang naglalaro sa aking isipan’) when I read the article of how people tend to hold on to the past and not letting it go. I remembered some presentations which I made before, I placed a glass of water at a corner of a table and I asked the audiences, “Can I put another glass of water at the same exact corner?”
The answer was ‘No’ naturally. Exactly! In order for you to put another glass of water at the same corner, the first glass of water must be removed. The same applies. I agree with you totally that lessons must be learnt from the past experience.
Laarni, thanks for the Digg! It is most appreciated 🙂
Very true. It is not always easy to live in the now. One is constantly thinking of yesterday or tomorrow. When only TODAY counts. Like your blog.
Mindful Mimi, you can’t be more right that one is constantly thinking of yesterday and tomorrow and yet TODAY is what makes tomorrow counts. I once shared this with others:
Life is a Choice:
Your life today is the result of
your attitude and choices of the past.
Your life tomorrow, will be the result of
the choices you make today!
What would you do today,
That will make a difference tomorrow!
Good writing. While we keep on thinking about the past; we miss today. So we should focus on only “today”..It’s not easy sometimes, but we should always remember this: We have “only one life chance” to live…
Hi Nihal, you are definitely right, we have “only one life chance” to live.
I love this post. It’s just so true.
I especially liked your question about how you would play the game if you knew that by putting in 100% you would win.
Your attitude can truly make you or break you.
~Kind of like that glass~half~full thing. 🙂
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Very touching article, and very true…
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@ Jane, you are right – our attitudes will either make us or break us; like the glass thing 😉
@ Dani, thank you. 🙂
That’s a great post:) In every journey, we’re always caught up on the challenge and the lesson of detachment. I believe, that’s just the hardest lesson I have ever learned. Being playing safe and just wanted to stay within my comfort zone that I was- somehow, fate had taught me to move forward and no matter how hard & painful it was- I managed it through… learning the art of detachment is some kind of a survival instinct to me 🙂
Excellent post BK…you only get one today…so making the most of it & watching out for those “open doors” makes all the difference 🙂 Hanging onto things that can’t be saved doesn’t do much good for anyone.
@ Shawie, the art of detachment is truly a challenge to learn and yet it gives us freedom.
@ Chelle, you are right; hanging onto things that can’t be saved doesn’t do much good for anyone and yet it is such a challenge for a lot of people to learn to let go and move on; Just as water left a trail wherever it passed.
very well written and so true
Thanks for stopping by my place and leaving a comment 🙂
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@ Tina, thank you. 🙂
very well written and totally agree with you.
thanks for stopping by my blog.
@ Jo, thank you. 🙂
One chance, truly. Great writing.
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@ Stefan, thank you. 🙂
I had to swallow real big on this one. What a beautiful post. wow…for me, I just need to read this over and over and over again. I guess that is what time is for.
Thank you for such a truly heartfelt post.
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@ Cricket, when I first read the article, I felt a big knock on my head and the bell seemed to be ringing. Some may call it enlightenment. However, it makes so much sense to me that the thought starts to flow in my mind and eventually this article. Thank you for enjoying this post and hope that you might help you in ways it did for me.
wow BK! you’re so inspired huh!
it’s so true about relationships. i’ve tried communicating again with old friends with the hope of reviving old friendships, but it seems some are leading and living different lives. but there are few who are still the same old friends i’ve known even without constant communication.
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@ Daisy, it takes two hands to clap. 🙂
It did!
@ Cricket, glad that it did. Have a great weekend!
That was a great post – really enjoyed the reminder!
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@ Lilly, thank you.
dang! i am so stupid! im sorry bk, i thought you were a lady. 🙁 i hope you’ll forgive me.
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@ Liza, it’s alright. I have someone calling me ‘Ate’ which is sister in Tagalog. 😀
My first name is Boon Kiat, but to make it easier for others to remember, I just call myself BK. I have never thought that others would mistaken me for a lady. 🙂
Excellent post BK…you only get one today…so making the most of it & watching out for those “open doors” makes all the difference 🙂 Hanging onto things that can’t be saved doesn’t do much good for anyone.
@ Fashion Forward, it is simple truth and yet very challenging in action. Very often people are unwilling to let it go. Letting go is something we all need to do. It will take practice.
I’ve moved a lot in my adult life. And I’ve asked myself those same kinds of questions. Is there really a point to keeping up with someone that you can’t see or spend time with. I’ve definitely come to the conclusion that when one door seems like it’s closing, trying to hold it open is the wrong way to go.
@ Ben, much as we must not be ever ready to give up without a fight, we must know when to let go when holding on is doing more harm to us. The challenge is always knowing when to fight and when to let go.
moving on in life is the best way…
keep your options open…
.-= rainboy´s last blog ..Happy Birthday 😀 =-.
@ Rainboy, I agree with you; moving on and keeping the option open. 🙂
I guess it is alright to be caught up in the moment and wail about being apart and all, for it is the only way to really show that our friends really matter and have been a big part of our lives. However people tend to cling on to those memories for too long at times that they do more harm than good. I love your post 🙂 Awesome blog.
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@ Yileen, I agree with you that it is alright to be caught up in the moment and wail about being apart sometimes. Without the sadness of temporary separation, we wouldn’t know of the joy of reunion. Indeed, the challenge is always holding it for too long. Have a great weekend! 🙂