1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly,in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip.But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks,love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have sillyness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

I believe when you read the speech by Mary Schmich below, you would be able to relate to some of the things she had written just like I did and hope that you will enjoy reading this speech as much as I did too.

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-old I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

I have the habit of sharing lessons, as what a dear friend of mine put it, with family and friends through email. I am not sure if they read the email 100% of the time because I rarely get a reply from them. It has always thrilled and delighted me to get replies once in a while. However, I was both happy and sad when I received a reply from this dear friend about a week ago. He was the one who shared the story of Dr. Kwek with me.

Although I did not know Dr. Kwek personally, reading the testimonials of his patients still saddened me. In a tribute to him, I learned how he had walked the extra miles. He was called up late in one evening by this patient’s sister and yet he turned up at the hospital’s A & E department just to visit this patient. They made a detour to his clinic later, at close to midnight, so that he could give this patients some jabs. A simple act like this could have been just a routine and norm for Dr. Kwek. However, for this patient, this simple act of kindness and concern meant a great deal and touched his life.

In my reply to this dear friend, I said, “It is very rare these days to find a good doctor who is not more interested in his/her pocket than his/her patient.” I hope Dr. Kwek story could serve as an inspiration to doctors and aspiring doctors. Just as the revenue is important to you (you and your family need to survive too, in order for you to have a peace of mind to help others), your patients are equally, if not more important as they have entrusted their lives to you.

From the video on Kindness by Amy Krouse Rosenthal which I had share in my last post, Amy asked, “What constitutes a life worthy of being remembered? How do you want to be remembered? Big questions to consider! A life worthy of being remembered will differ from individual to individual as one explores deeply within oneself. And how do one wants to be remembered? That could be a tricky question as how others remember us may not always be how we have wanted them to remember us.

Perhaps the question we need to consider is “What is/are the important things, the priorities, in our life 10, 20 or 30 years down the road?” It seemed that what were important to Dr. Kwek had naturally become the way of how people are remembering him now. The story of Dr. Eric Kwek Soon Kiat has enlightened me and straightened out my perspective. He had reminded me of the priorities in life.

To leave you with something my dear friend said, “Life has different plans for each of us, may all of us finish it without regrets.”

When a lot of men and women around her age have already resigned to fate and to some of the myths of aging, Madam Kong Sin Sim continues with her almost daily workout routine of stretches, light weight training and swimming at the gym. According to her 47 years old son, she is a bundle of energy and constantly encouraging them to exercise!

Not only that, “….her doctor has declared her to be healthy and free from conditions such as high-blood pressure and diabetes…” She credited all that to more than 20 years of regular exercise and eating right.

One common myth of aging is the increase of dependency on others as we become physically incapacitated. This is certainly not true. According to the University of Pittsburgh, Institute of Aging, “Helplessness and dependency are not characteristic of old age. About 87 percent of adults over 65 are able to cope more than adequately with the demands of everyday living.”

Ninety is the new 70, according to a report in usnews.com. The Baltimore Longitudinal Study of Aging (BLSA), a 50 years ongoing study involving 3,000 seniors, found a reduction in heart attacks among older men who took up a high-intensity activity like swimming or running. Not only that, older exercisers also experience less shortness of breath and fatigue.

From the above reports, doesn’t it make sense for us to start exercising today? However, if you are a senior and wants to start an exercise routine, it is very important to first consult your doctor to see if you are fit for exercising, or if any precautions need to be taken.

I believe that most of us will have this question in our mind: What would be the age when one would be considered too old to take on new challenges or to learn new tricks? Yes, this is a trick question and the answer is pretty straight forward; one is never too old to take on new challenges or to learn new tricks.

With this new perspective in mind, let me share with you the story of Cliff Young, which I believe our Australian friends would be very familiar with. He was the potato farmer who inspired the whole nation. At the age of 61, he participated in the first Westfield Sydney to Melbourne Ultra Marathon (875 kilometers, 544 miles) in 1983, competed against world-class athletes and won the race in record breaking time; trimming almost two days off the record for any previous run between Sydney and Melbourne. Cliff Young continued to run more than 20,000 kilometres during his competitive career. Cliff was like anyone of us; a humble, average man, who undertook an extraordinary feat and became a national sensation.

Whoever is still saying he/she is too old to do something or to learn new trick, he/she may want to adopt this new perspective: we are never too old to take on new challenges or to learn new tricks. I will have to remind myself constantly too.