If we accept the fact that each of us is unique and special in our own way, then why do some of us attempt to change our loved ones?

When we first fall in love with a person, we were attracted by some lovable traits of the other person. We felt a strong connection with the other person and almost as one with.

And yet over time some of us will start to detest these lovable traits which attracted us in the first place. That is when some of us will start to question and compare the person with another; why can’t he/she be more considerate like this person or why can’t he/she be more romantic like that person? Some of us will start to expect more from the person; why can’t he/she pays more attention to me?

Have we changed? Or has the person changed? Perhaps the person really does change over time. However, most probably the person each of us love is still the same person; we are just trying to change them to who we want them to be.

The Kay Way mentioned in her article You Can’t Change Men – Young Women Listen Up, “…before you decide to marry the man you want to change, take stock and find out if he is really the right one for you to avoid great heartache in the future for you both.” Although she wrote that article about women, I think even men make the mistake of trying to change the women they are in love with over time.

Thus instead of trying to change the other person, perhaps we need to think if we can really accept the person the way he/she is; we must not have the delusion that we will be able to change the person we are in love with.

Do we then just accept each person we loved unconditionally? Not exactly; If the person is abusive or toxic, it doesn’t make sense to accept the person just the way he/she is.

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are.” – Paulo Coelho. I believe that when we truly love another, we will be inspired to change ourselves to be a better person.

When I was in my junior college, I was in love with a school mate. I was also a bad tempered guy who was easily agitated. Then one day, while I was helping out in my Aunt’s food stall, it suddenly dawned upon me that being a person I was then, I wouldn’t be worthy of her love. From then on, I changed drastically and controlled my temper; I had become a better person. She did nothing to try to change me. I was inspired to change.

When we truly love another, we accept the person the way he/she is and we do not try to change the person. The change will come naturally.

It is very time consuming and extremely competitive. Now with that in mind, I also find it a lot of fun. You are bored at home watching television, and you can go shopping for women at anytime of the day. It is like having a Wal-Mart of women available to you day and night. . . Some are even marked down 50% depending on how long they have been on the site.

So, now, how do you distinguish yourself from all the other men that are trying to compete for women’s attention in this Wal-Mart cyber bar?

First, you need to realize that a good-looking woman gets over 100 responses to her profile on her first day on a site. What most men fail to do is to create tension in that first encounter.

Men are lazy and they tend to just cut and paste a canned email to the women. Guys, that is not going to cut it. You need to take control. Create some tension and intrigue, so she feels compelled to write you back and choose you over all the other guys in this cyber bar.

When I work with a client in my bootcamps, I teach him how to be different so when he is around women she will remember him. You need to do the same thing when you’re online.

Before you even write to a woman online, you need to make sure that your profile is fun and light.

-Share a story about one of your favorite things to do.
-Tell what you like to do on weekends.
-Share about your dog or cat.

Be positive and have fun so women can have something to grab onto when they read your profile. Women will read your profile over and over and they will get emotionally attached to what you say in your profile.

Do not put anything negative in your profile. For instance, do not brag about your job. Instead, you can say something like “I am very passionate about what I do for a living and have created an amazing life for myself.”

This will tell her that you are passionate about you . . . and that you would be passionate about her. It is all about creating emotions for her.

As far as pictures go, you need to use current pictures or have current shots taken. Show her who you are.

Don’t put a ten year old picture of yourself up on your profile. That is not going to win a woman over . . . one of the biggest turn-offs for women is a liar. Men try to be the ultimate salesperson, and you cannot win a woman over based upon deceit.

There are plenty of women online. Don’t get all hung up over one of them.

The next issue is what to do when you first contact a woman online. You need to do two things. The first thing is that you have to have a great subject line to intrigue her. Some examples include:

1. “Did you know …”
2. “We need to talk …”
3. “Quick question …”
4. “I see that you …”
5. “Did you hear about last night????”

You need a subject line that makes her want to open the email. Keep in mind that you are one of a hundred guys who are chasing her online, and in order to increase your odds you need to think like a woman. You also need to use the “…” at the end of your subject line so she is intrigued and wondering what is at the end of the “…” inside the email.

Also, for every ten emails you send out, expect only a few responses back . . . those are the odds against which you’re working.

I think I may be one of the only honest people out there in the world of dating. So many dating experts sell you a bill of goods . . . when the reality is that it is purely a numbers game.

The next step is to keep the dialogue interesting and intriguing. Read her profile, and pick out a nugget that you can respond to or on which you can comment.

Let’s say for example she loves taking her dog for a walk on the beach. You could write one of these (one of which is funny and the other is an open-ended question):

1) “I was curious, who picks out the beach for the walk . . . you or the dog??”
2)”What is your dog’s favorite beach for your walks, and what is it’s favorite toy to play with on the beach??”

There is no magic pill to get women to answer you . . . I’ve found that if you lead with a question that shows your interest in them, you will have a far greater response rate.

Once you get the dialogue going, get her number and seal the deal. When she gives you her number, you need to call her that night.

Keep in mind she has picked you and she is anticipating the first date. She has read your profile several times and she is excited about meeting you.

Don’t be a typical guy and wait to call her. If you wait, she will go to Plan B . . . and believe me, she has a Plan B!

Keep dating . . .

Dating Coach, Blogger and Author David Wygant has been featured on more than 2,000 radio and television shows including Dateline, CBS Good Morning, and MTV. Get more sex and dating tips on David’s interactive blog at davidwygant.com

When approaching a woman, most guys make the mistake of thinking too much about what to say. They believe there’s one magic line that will work in all situations. They rehearse this magic line, and when they deliver it, they hope the woman will become instantly attracted to them.
Unfortunately, rarely does this approach work — because most of what you say is irrelevant. To catch a woman’s attention, it is all about the confidence you display when approaching her.

Here are 10 surefire ways to intrigue her every time:

1. Observe something. Make a comment about something you observe in the environment. This is especially effective at the grocery store. For example, if she is ordering a turkey sandwich, ask her if the turkey is good here. Make your comment immediate to the situation and it will seem perfectly natural. No matter where you are, there is always something interesting to comment on.

2. Smile. This shows her that you are friendly and confident. A genuine smile not only feels good to you, but will put her at ease while creating openness in the interaction — a requirement for building rapport.

3. Do not hesitate. If you hesitate in your approach, this tells her that you are not feeling confident — an immediate turn-off. When you see her, walk over to her within a short period of time (the three-second rule). Show her you are a man who knows what he wants and goes after it.

4. Positive body language. If you approach hunched over with your head down, you are sending negative information about yourself, which makes you dead in the water before you begin. Stand up straight, with shoulders back and chest out, and use a firm yet relaxed walk.

5. Not too fast. If you walk over too fast, you could likely trigger her internal alarm. A calm, casual approach is usually the best way to make her feel at ease with you.

6. Keep eye contact. Never be the first to break eye contact when you approach. If you do, this sends the message that you are not feeling good about approaching. When you use strong eye contact, she will feel more drawn to you. With practice, you can master this.

7. Listen up. Make sure you pay careful attention to what she says. Do not have your response pre-thought out. Women love a man who pays attention to the details of what she says. If you start throwing out random words, she will lose interest fast.

8. Do not fidget. Fidgeting after you approach is distracting and shows you are uncomfortable. If you communicate that you are uncomfortable, she will feel uncomfortable, too, and will close up. Practice being aware of your movements. Pay attention to those movements, or lack of movements, that communicate comfort and confidence.

9. Lighten your tone of voice. The tone of your voice is a very powerful tool. Approaching her in a light and playful tone is one of the best ways to start. You could also begin in a serious tone, accusing her of something like “I hope you saved some turkey for me,” followed by a quick smile to let her know you are joking. Practice playing with your vocal tone with your friends — notice the different reactions you get when you say the exact same thing using varied tones and fluctuations.

10. Lean away from her. A man who leans in too far when he talks often makes a woman feel crowded. A better approach is to lean away from her slightly. This lets her know that you respect her space, boundaries, and are comfortable with yourself.

The key to making these tips work for you is putting them into practice! Practice these tips and see the reaction you get. When you put them all together, you will be surprised at their power.

Dating Coach, Blogger and Author David Wygant has been featured on more than 2,000 radio and television shows including Dateline, CBS Good Morning, and MTV. Get more sex and dating tips on David’s interactive blog at davidwygant.com

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