If we accept the fact that each of us is unique and special in our own way, then why do some of us attempt to change our loved ones?

When we first fall in love with a person, we were attracted by some lovable traits of the other person. We felt a strong connection with the other person and almost as one with.

And yet over time some of us will start to detest these lovable traits which attracted us in the first place. That is when some of us will start to question and compare the person with another; why can’t he/she be more considerate like this person or why can’t he/she be more romantic like that person? Some of us will start to expect more from the person; why can’t he/she pays more attention to me?

Have we changed? Or has the person changed? Perhaps the person really does change over time. However, most probably the person each of us love is still the same person; we are just trying to change them to who we want them to be.

The Kay Way mentioned in her article You Can’t Change Men – Young Women Listen Up, “…before you decide to marry the man you want to change, take stock and find out if he is really the right one for you to avoid great heartache in the future for you both.” Although she wrote that article about women, I think even men make the mistake of trying to change the women they are in love with over time.

Thus instead of trying to change the other person, perhaps we need to think if we can really accept the person the way he/she is; we must not have the delusion that we will be able to change the person we are in love with.

Do we then just accept each person we loved unconditionally? Not exactly; If the person is abusive or toxic, it doesn’t make sense to accept the person just the way he/she is.

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are.” - Paulo Coelho. I believe that when we truly love another, we will be inspired to change ourselves to be a better person.

When I was in my junior college, I was in love with a school mate. I was also a bad tempered guy who was easily agitated. Then one day, while I was helping out in my Aunt’s food stall, it suddenly dawned upon me that being a person I was then, I wouldn’t be worthy of her love. From then on, I changed drastically and controlled my temper; I had become a better person. She did nothing to try to change me. I was inspired to change.

When we truly love another, we accept the person the way he/she is and we do not try to change the person. The change will come naturally.

Then, there are other hotels that pamper you with complimentary spa with sparkling wine. If you are a very family person and want to share this joy with your children, they are even willing to include complimentary breakfast and extra bed.

And since Valentine’s Day falls on the weekend this year, some of you may be planning for a short weekend getaway. A trip to a beach resort or warmer location may be good. Or how about a weekend cruise? Whatever you may have in mind, I believe you will be able to find great Valentine’s Day travel deals and packages.

With much focus on Valentine’s Day these days, we are truly spoiled for choices - but only if we allow ourselves to be caught up in all the marketing buzz. How are you spending your Valentine’s Day in 2010? Would it just be quiet moments with your loved one? Or would it be a day with your family or friends?

However, beyond the plan you may have, what is most important is how are we loving our loved ones.

Take Valentine’s day as a day to retake love vows for each other. Find the magic in saying, “I’d marry you all over again.” And it can also be a day to show gratitude for the good times and bad times you and your loved one had weathered together.

From just a traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other, Valentine’s Day has evolved and extended that expression of love to both family and friends too. The question is, “Are we showing enough love and appreciation to our families and friends?” It is not difficult for us to show our love and appreciation to our families and friends on Valentine’s Day since it is only a day’s affair. The challenge is showing the love and appreciation to them throughout the year.

High-Mindedness is a concept which I read from the book, Calm and Compassionate Children, by Susan Usha Dermond. It is the practice of focusing our thoughts in a positive direction. Although the book explores the usage of this concept in parenting, I believe we can adapt this concept in our everyday life.

Practicing high-mindedness is to focus on uplifting moments in everyday life by paying attention to the positive energy surrounding us. The book shares, “Paying attention to the beauty and kindness surrounding us develops sensitivity and gives a calmer outlook on life because it brings our focus to the moment, away from anxiety about the future or past,”

What we can do, as shares by the book, to practice high-mindedness is noticing, which is an activity to share simple joy of uplifting moments with others; for example, the freshness of the morning breeze, the wind rustling the leaves, the smell of a freshly baked loaf of bread or the cloudless blue sky. When we noticed these simple joys, we shared them with others by bringing it to their attention.

Noticing not only helps us to focus our attention to uplifting moments, but also helps us to count our blessings and be grateful for them. Inevitably, we will also be happier when we are finding more time to notice and rejoice in life’s little blessings.

Noticing is one activity which we can carry out with our family and friends. What is being proposed in the book is for family to share gratitude moments at dinner every evening, where everyone shares something from the day that they are grateful for. It will be challenging and may seem unnatural at first, but practice makes better; eventually everyone will find it easy to share moments from the day they are grateful for.

Practicing high-mindedness through noticing will allow us to focus in the positive direction, to appreciate the simple joys in life and to be grateful for the daily blessings that are coming to us. Through that feeling of peacefulness in gratitude, comes happiness.

I certainly agree with her that entering a relationship requires a leap of faith. And of course, we do not plunge blindly into a relationship. Not plunging blindly, that leads us to the question, “How do we know we have found the right person?” I believe this is one question which many people asked.

I did bungee jump a few years back. Some of my friends said I must be crazy to try it. Maybe I was crazy back then; but I knew it is one of the things which I want to try once in my life. I digressed. Taking bungee jump too requires a leap of faith. However, I did not take the plunge blindly.

From Wikipedia, “Despite the inherent danger of jumping from a great height, several million successful jumps have taken place since 1980. This is attributable to bungee operators rigorously conforming to standards and guidelines governing jumps, such as double checking calculations and fittings for every jump.” I knew that nothing would go wrong; I had faith in the people handling my jump. Some would be worried if their heart can take it. Frankly, that was the last question on my mind, because my natural intuition told me somehow that I could take it. Everything is history now.

While bungee jumping is not for everyone, entering into a relationship can be for everyone - as long as one do not give up on loving. However, like bungee jumping, entering into a relationship requires us to take that leap of faith in another person. Often people would ask, “how do we know we have found the right one?” The answer is, “We wouldn’t know for sure.”

There is no way I can tell you how you would know if you have found the right one. Since we wouldn’t know for sure, we have to take chances to get to know the other person better. While we are ‘exploring,’ we must be on the look out for signs and tune in to our intuition. The signs and our intuition are there to help us to determine if the person is the right one.

Much as we must have faith in our intuition, trusting our intuition may not provide the 100% guarantee that we have found the right one also. Our intuition can help us but it can work against us also. At time, what starts nicely can still end up horribly. The challenge with bad relationship is learning to let go.

When we see the goodness from a relationship but not ignoring the warnings from signs and our intuition, we will be able to take the leap of faith and take the plunge with confidence.