Attitude, Family, Happiness, Inspiration, Life, Meaning in Life, Relationship, Unconditional Acceptance, Unconditional Love

Quantity or Quality?

bk
April 15, 2008

Father and sonHave you heard of a quotation that goes something like this, “Live your life the way such that when you were born, others were smiling and when you are dead, they are crying?” You might have already heard something similar before. When I die, I do hope to ‘see’ my loved ones smiling.

As most people will say, it is not the quantity but the quality that counts. That is certainly true for most people. The question remains, “Are we living the kind of quality life?” Just as one man’s meat is another poison; what depicts a quality life to one may not be to another. One has to know what one’s definition of a quality life is.

I was talking to a friend in Yahoo messenger recently and she told me that she still missed her father sometimes. I didn’t know at what age her father was when he passed away but one thing I am very sure, he was a great husband and father! Quality life can be that simple – to provide for loved ones and to be always there for them when they need you. Quality life doesn’t have to be a life of luxuries where you are eating the best food, wearing the best silk and drinking the best wine.

Recently, I was at the temple paying respect to my father who passed away for more than two years now. On that day, there were 13 of us altogether at the temple including my mother, brother, sister and my father’s sisters. Time seems to pass quickly and quietly for one who was no longer with us. He has continued to live in our heart. Probably that was what it meant by the quotation above, “Live your life the way such that when you were born, others were smiling and when you are dead, they are crying.”

My father was an ordinary man and he had been a cab driver for all his life; up to the point before he left us. However, he was an extraordinary son, brother, husband and father. A man of few words, he shown his loves and concerns through his actions. He was filial to his parents and always found time to visit them every weekend and spent time with his brothers and sisters too. As a responsible husband, he had taken on the duty to drive my mother to and from work almost everyday. As far as I can remember, he rarely quarreled or even raised his voice at my mother. And although he did not earn much, he still passed allowances to my mother without failed.

To us, he had always been a strict father who never failed to punish us when we did wrong. His loves and concerns for us were also shown subtly through his actions. I could say that my brother, sister and I were very fortunate as we never had to go hungry. Our allowances for the school had always been generous too and allowing us to save up quite a bit to buy things that we wanted. There were times when he would be out with his friends and he would always call home to check if we wanted supper. He had been a good role model to me and I had learnt numerous values in life from him.

If you asked me, “Had he led a quality life?” I couldn’t answer for my father as I had never asked him before on what was considered a quality life to him. However, to me, it definitely can be considered a quality life. As I mentioned earlier, the definition of a quality life differs from one individual to another. You have to ask yourself what will be considered a quality life to you. To me, a quality life is to be able to affect people positively and to influence them to lead a better life.

That is one reason why this website was set up in the first place. Initially (and it remains the same), I just wanted to share with people around the World the positive power and wisdom in love quotations. Now, besides doing that, I also want to advocate love and tolerance in the world and to positively affect the lives of people. No matter how long you’ll be alive, what is most important is to live a quality life; one when you look back, you can smile and be proud of. Let Us live a quality life and live it to the fullest!

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Attitude, Challenges in Life, Fear, Inspiration, Inspiring, Life, Reflection, Richard Branson

Virgin Look at Fear

bk
April 14, 2008

Facing fearI have finally gotten down to write about my bungee jumping experience in Phuket last year recently. Some of my friends asked me if I were scared. Frankly speaking, if ‘wetting’ pant is a social norm, I would have wetted my pant. So why did I do it if I was scared? I guess the need (yes, I had been thinking about bungee jumping for many years and had reflected to friends about my desire) to experience the feeling of jumping from a platform, the feeling of that split second fall, the thrill and excitement all added up and conquered my fear of going for the jump. When I was up there standing at the edge of the jumping platform, I did not think too much, I just hurled myself out and away from the platform as instructed.

Fear was not able to stop me that day, as it sometimes did. Most of us, if not all, have some kind of fears. A lot of my friends have fear of height. Some people have fear of drowning. Fear occurs in different forms and varies in different degree to different people.

I believe that most of us have heard of Richard Branson and his adventures. In case if you haven’t, Richard Branson (pardon me it’s Sir Richard Branson) is the man behind the Virgin. I only got to know more about him recently when I read two of his books, ‘Losing My Virginity‘ and ‘Screw It, Let’s Do It.’

In one of his adventures shared in ‘Screw it, Let’s Do It’; he and Per Lindstrand became the first to cross the Atlantic in a hot-air balloon. However, they did not know how to land. They faced the danger of crashing and burning with the leftover full fuel tanks. When they finally managed to do away with the fuel tanks, their hot-air balloon became too light and shot up into the sky, out of control. Their plan B was to land on the beach where they won’t hurt people but they missed the beach because of thick fog. Per Lindstrand eventually jumped into the stormy sea from 56 feet up. Sir Richard Branson was alone in the hot-air balloon and was carried towards Scotland. He jumped into the grey sea eventually and was picked up from the icy water by helicopter which was out searching for him. Per Lindstand was also in the sea for hours and was rescued just before he froze to death.

Did he not know what fear is? Or maybe he did. As he shared in his book, ‘Screw It, Let’s Do It,’ “… no one had ever flown that far in a balloon before. It was mad. It was too risky … What would happen if I died?” However, he shared that he couldn’t resist a challenge and the chance to try something new. Probably that was how I felt too when I took the jump last year. I wouldn’t compare my little feat with his adventures but I do see a slight similarity. I too, look upon my fear as a challenge.

“Always do what you are afraid to do.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Just like the quotation above, I want to do what I am afraid to do. The more I fear, the more I want to do it as long as the things that I planned on doing do not cause harm to others or to myself. I had previously shared about my fear in public speaking or presentation a few years back. Back then, I was practically thrown into the position to make presentation to a group of audience on stage. I was not ready and I had never done it before. I had jelly legs and the first presentation did not go exactly how I wanted it to be.

Was it a failure? Yes, as long as I chose to give it up totally. Before one can be really good at something, one has to start taking the first step. As the saying, “A journey of a thousand miles begin with a first step“; we must be prepared to take the first step and learnt from it. One can never be ready to do something. One can be well prepared, but one cannot be ready. I continued to put myself in the position to make presentation until a point of time where I was making presentation to a group of audiences about the size of 50-60 comfortably and engaging them at the same time. Have I conquered my fear of public speaking? I have not completely, I just acknowledged its presence, face it squarely and co-exist with fear.

How would you respond to fear? Different folks different strokes. What is more important is that it must work for you. Whichever way one may choose, one has to first acknowledged the presence of fear and then face it. Last but not least, I would like to share with you one last thing that Sir Richard Branson said from his book, ‘Screw It, Let’s Do It‘; “… whatever it is you want to achieve in life, if you don’t make the effort, you won’t reach your goal. So take that first step. There will be challenges. You might get knocked back – but in the end, you will make it.” Have faith in yourself and move on fearlessly.

“Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.” — Marie Curie

Attitude, Celebrity, Information, Life, Naomi Campbell, Relationship, Value

Celebrities Are Only Human After All

bk
April 7, 2008

Naomi CampbellOver the weekend, I read a newspaper report that states, “Naomi held for assault.” Frankly speaking I have heard of her name many times but it has never left a deep impression in me. To me, she is still a total stranger. However, a quick search of her name in Google returned 6.7 millions results.

Who is Naomi Campbell? According to AskMen.com, the Jamaican-Chinese, British born Naomi Campbell, had already conquered the fashion world by her early 20s and Naomi was also the first black model to appear on the covers of Time magazine, as well as the French and British Vogue.

Back to the newspaper report that I read over the weekend, the British supermodel Naomi Campbell was released on bail after being arrested on suspicion of assaulting a police officer at Heathrow Airport. London’s Metropolitan Police said she is out on bail pending further inquiries and told to report to a police station in late May. She was on a flight to Los Angeles when she was informed that one of her checked bags was missing. She just simply ‘lost it.’ According to the police, she was going nuts, spitting, punching and lashing out. She was eventually asked by the BA to leave the flight.

To begin with, 28,000 bags have been separated from their owners ever since the opening of Terminal 5 at Heathrow Airport in London and for travelers, the last thing you want is to be informed of your missing luggage. Thus the above incident could basically involve anyone and maybe there were similar incidences but they were never reported in the first place. Naomi happened to be the celebrity to be at the wrong place and at the wrong time. However, Naomi does has records of violence to start with.

I am least interested to discuss who is wrong or who is right. Just to share something that I realized – that celebrities are only human after all. When the lightings on the runway go off, the make up removes and in the privacy of her home, she is just like anyone of us; she has her own strength and weakness, her own likes and dislikes, her own family and friends. The only difference, if you really have to differentiate yourself from her, is that she has the word ‘celebrity‘ tagged to her name. If you want to find people with record of violences, I believe you can probably find at least a dozen people with similar bad records.

There are probably at least an equal number of cases on act of violent not reported. No reporters or media would be interested in these other cases because they do not have any ‘news value’ for them. However, the case of Naomi has ‘news value’ for them as it guarantees readership. And after being reported too often, the whole issue of her violent acts amplifies and may seem much worst than it appears to be.

Helen Keller said, “The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.” Isn’t that very true? This one quotation by Helen Keller always reminds me to look at things beyond the surface. In this case, removing aside the tag of ‘celebrity‘, I saw Naomi Campbell as like one of us.

I am not condoning Naomi’s act of violent and violence is an action that I do not approve, especially in using it to resolve conflicts. And that is why to a large extent I look up to Gandhi for his non-violent resistance which led India to independence and inspired movements for civil rights and freedom across the world. I remembered what an associate of mine once told me – that we can idolize someone but not to the extent of worshipping him/her. I will say I finally understand what he meant by that.

We can adore a person as long as we do not allow ourselves to be blindly devoted to that person. We can absorb the strengths of others and make it our own strengths. We can even learn from the mistakes and weaknesses of others so that we will not make those mistakes or absorb those weaknesses. This is how we learn and evolve to be a better person.

One thing I do agree with some people is that being a celebrity and a public figure, Naomi and other celebrities do have a social responsibility, to certain extent, to the general public. They have great influence over the younger generation and people who worshipped them blindly. Otherwise as far as I am concern, I respect their privacy and regard them as just people like myself.

End of the day, it doesn’t matter whether one is a celebrity or not. What matter most are the values that one has within oneself. Celebrities are, after all, only Human.

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Attitude, Image, Information, Life, Optical Illusion, Picture/Photos, Relationship

Things Are Not Always What They Seem Like

bk
March 29, 2008

I received this email from a friend a few days back. These pictures remind me that a lot of times, things do not always appear the way they look like; each has his or her own perspectives in looking at things and not having the same perspectives do not mean that someone is right or wrong. Probably that is why there is the saying, "putting oneself in the shoes of others." Not only will that allow us to understand from the person’s point of view, but also allow us to be more tolerant of each other. A lot of times, misunderstandings or conflicts occurred because of the lack of understandings between people.

11 SHIPS OR 3 SHIPS & 8 ARCHES?

DO YOU SEE FACES OR ALL HOUSES?

How many horses in this picture? There should be 7.

PEOPLE OR FACES?

A PICTURE PUZZLE!

HOW MANY PEOPLE?

SEE MORE THEN ONE DEER?

Look at the middle column. Where does it end?

Who is the tallest?

A face? Or the word "liar"?

What do you see here? Do you see the word "LIFT"? Or, a bunch of black splotches? GIRLS ARE ABLE TO SPOT THE WORD "LIFT" EASILY. MEN FIND IT DIFFICULT TO SEE THE WORD "LIFT"!

FIND THE FACES

Focus on the dot in the centre and move your head backwards and forwards. Fascinating?

Attitude, Gratitude, Happiness, Life, Love Stories, Relationship

Mom, I Graduated Today!

bk
March 28, 2008

Today, I caught a friend online and chatted with her for a while. She has been ‘missing’ for quite a while and I was just wondering what happened to her. I gave her a buzz and asked how she was doing. She said she was tired as she just got home and her eyes felt heavy. The last time I had spoken to her, she was telling me that she had some projects going on and that why she was busy and did not come online. And so I thought she has just gotten home from work too.

“Janus graduated today! And he got 3 awards for best in Science and being word smart and nature smart! I am so proud of him!” I can almost see the excitement in her face. It was like hearing her ‘screaming’ through the instant messages. “I’m proud of him too. Janus is so smart!” I ‘shouted’ back through the instant message’s window. What can I say, positive energy sure is contagious!

They had just gotten back from a simple celebration. I saw the personalize message alongside with her nick that said ‘upset’ and I asked her, “What’s wrong? Why are you upset?” She told me that she cried today because she was sharing her story. Up to now, you might be saying, “So it’s a graduation. What is the big deal?” Janus is a special child; meaning a child with special needs. Children with special needs may have mild learning disabilities or profound mental retardation; food allergies or terminal illness; developmental delays that catch up quickly or remain entrenched; occasional panic attacks or serious psychiatric problems.

According to my friend, Janus has gotten motor skill challenges (I am not too sure if this is a correct term to use) which means that he has some challenges in movement. For example, it is difficult for him to stand for too long. Besides that, he has challenge in speaking normally too. In so speaking, Janus has to go through therapy program everyday to help him to cope with his daily life. Other than that, he is just like any other kids who has his dreams too. He loves car of any kinds and drew numerous picture of cars. And his mother told me that he is a ‘cupboard monster,’ who sometimes messes up the cupboard. I have to agree with that as I had personally seen him doing that.

I asked my friend why she cried when she shared her story? She said that in her speech to the other parents, she told them that even though Janus is a special child, she has never felt ashamed or embarrass whenever she was out with Janus. She has always been proud of him. Come to think of it, throughout the period that I have known her, I have never never heard her complaining or saying a bad things about Janus before; when she spoke of Janus, she is always excited and proud. She shared in the speech that there were times when they were in the mall and people would just tease Janus or poke fun at him or laugh at him and some of them would even follow them just to see Janus’s movements. She said, “Despite that, I am still proud of Janus and I have never thought of hiding him up.” To that, she thanked the people in the school for accepting Janus for who he is and nothing less.

“Janus is really special to me and I know that someday he will achieve what he wants. He has one thing that the others don’t have.” She said. I waited for her to carry on. “Janus is willing to make it better. Although he has challenges in movement, he never failed to practice everyday.” She proudly said. And she told me that she must congratulate her son too because one of Janus’s dreams was to be promoted to Grade 1. She shared that last year Janus was not able to make it because he had challenge in writing. She is thankful that he is alright now.

At this point, she was already crying and on seeing that, Janus said through the microphone, “I love you, Mami.” There were a moment of silence in the hall and she could see some people were crying too. And do you know why she is so proud with Janus? Although Janus has difficulty standing, he stood throughout the whole period when she was speaking! He made it!

And just a moment ago while I was chatting with her, she asked Janus, “Why didn’t you cry just now?” Guess what he said? “Because I controlled my emotion.” Was it my vision failing me or was it raining …

I must say, I am not only proud of Janus, but I am also very proud of my friend! Truly a classic example of unconditional love.

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Appreciation, Attitude, Giving, Gratitude, Happiness, Inspiration, Life, Relationship

Giving

bk
March 24, 2008

I really got to say a big ‘Thank You’ to the person who thought of this quotation which I read many years ago and which I am making it as one of my values in life; “The ability to share and to give yield greater pleasure than to receive.” It couldn’t be more true for me; when I am able to share something with someone or able to give something to someone, I feel happy and at peace with my inner self. You might be saying, “there is a limit to what we can share and give to other.” Naturally, I believe (though I can’t think of anything yet at this moment when I am writing this) there are things in life that we cannot share and cannot give to others and yet there are many things in life that we can share and can give – like love, time and money.

Giving, according to dictionary.com, means to present voluntarily and without expecting compensation. You must have already heard more than a thousand times, “the more we give, the more we receive.” So to speak, if we want more love for example, we have to give more love to start with. Wait a minute! Didn’t you cite from dictionary.com that giving is to present voluntarily and without expecting compensation? I am not contradicting myself, as much as it seems like it. Giving is an act that comes naturally from the heart and goes in harmony with your heart; just like a heartbeat. When you are truly giving, the thought of compensation never comes into the picture.

However, the universe works in a magical way; the more you give without the thought of compensation, the more you receive from the universe. For some, you may see the effect immediately and sometimes the effect may come much later when you least expected it. There are other times the effect may fall on your future generation. Just like the planting of trees – it takes a period of many many years of nurturing from the day when the seedlings are planted to the day when the trees are in full bloom before they can provide shelter and logs. This means that there will be times when you may not see the effect of your giving from the universe in your life time … but it will come.

“Blessed are those that can give without remembering and take without forgetting.” — Liz Bebesco

“A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.” — Erin Majors

Yahoo! PersonalsYesterday, I read an article writing about marriage and in that article, the author mentioned that his and his wife view their relationships as a ‘Saving account’ which they deposit regularly and very rarely do they expect to withdraw from it and there will not be any penalties even when they do withdraw from it. I can relate to the analogy given to a large extent. I believe that in relationships, we have to constantly give without expecting compensation and make it works. And yet it is only human nature that when we give, we do expect something in return sometimes. Don’t be too hard on yourself or feel guilty about it. No one is perfect in the world. However, we have the ability to learn and to become better everyday.

There are many stories of people giving unconditional love to people around them and I believe you may have heard of some of these stories or have personally seen it before. Such stories are always inspiring and they never failed to inspire you to be a better person. The best examples of giving unconditional love are from our own parents. I remembered a quotation which my friend shared with me years ago,

Unconditional love – it is in the giving that you made the other person realizes.” — Unknown

Giving is often time associated with charity. Dictionary.com defines charity as generous actions or donations to aid the poor, ill, or helpless. I always believe that charity, like giving, should and must be on a voluntarily basis and is an act in harmony with the heart too. There had been successful charity and fund raising shows in Singapore whereby companies and organisation sponsored attractive prizes like condo units, cars, cash prizes etc to lure people to make call to pledge their donations. I must say that their marketing had been more than successful and it did indeed attract a lot of donations from the public and I never doubt their effectiveness. The marketing aspect is needed to create public awareness for the show and the beneficiaries where the donations from the show will go to. The fundamental question is whether such charity shows had distorted the true meaning of giving and charity?

A few years back when I was traveling for work purpose to some developing countries, I always saw children roaming in the streets and threading between cars caught in the traffic begging for money. My heart empathized with them. I was reminded of how fortunate the children of my country are and how fortunate I was in my childhood. Much as I was very tempted to wind down the window to give them a dollar or two, I did not. Why? You may asked. For a very simple reason, I might have done more harm to them than doing them a favor. No doubt the dollar or two will feed them for a day or few days, but I am a strong believer in the preaching that if you teach a man to fish, it will feed the man for life.

If you were to ask me, “How often should we give and when should we give?” I will say, “As often as you can and as often as you want to.” As to the question, “When”, there is never a better time than now to start giving. Remember that, “a candle loses nothing by lighting another candle,” let us be a candle that lights up the lives of other.

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Attitude, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Forgiveness, Happiness, Health, Life, Mahatma Gandhi, Paul Tillich, Quotation, Reflection, Relationship, Robert Muller, Value

Forgiveness

bk
March 17, 2008

I read this article last night about forgiveness in relationships and it set my mind thinking. I was working on a new project with a friend recently and we were talking about forgiveness as one of the important qualities of a person. According to dictionary.com, forgiveness means the act of forgiving and to forgive means to grant pardon for, to grant pardon to (a person) or to cease to feel resentment against.

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” — Robert Muller, Assistant Secretary – General of the United States

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” — Mahatma Gandhi

Gandhi said it well when he said that forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. For most people, to forgive is a difficult thing to do. In fact to forgive, it takes a whole lot of courage to do it. However, why do we find it so hard to forgive someone? Is is because of the need to let the person knows that we are angry with him/her? Or is it because if we forgive that person, it means that the person wins? In the article, it mentioned, “you can forgive and not condone.” This couldn’t be more true. Forgiving someone does not necessary mean that we approve or agree with what that person did.

Most people think that to forgive is all about the other person. The fact is when you forgive someone, you free yourself from anger; anger is a very strong negative feeling and it blocks you from loving.

“He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love.” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

“We cannot love unless we have accepted forgiveness, and the deeper our experience of forgiveness is, the greater is our love.” — Paul Tillich

Being angry allowed the person or situation to take over control of you. By forgiving, you are not only freeing yourself but also taking control of the situation and yourself. Being in control will give you the power to choose your reaction. Thus do yourself a favor today and remember that forgiving another person does not set him/her free but it sets you free instead. There is another
point which I agree with the article, that forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself instead of something you give to another person. It is the best gift you can give to yourself and you can benefit greatly from it too.

Something from the article, “Learning to forgive those who have attacked me has been a powerful tool in my life. When I harbor anger and resentment toward another person it only hurts me and I am the one who suffers.” What do you think?

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