The questions are, “Was person A seeking solutions from person B for her problems at work? Or person A simply needed a listening ear?” There are no straightforward answers for this.

This is one common mistake in relationship which I tend to make very often previously. Usually when someone told me his/her problem, I just assumed that I was supposed to fix it. You can guess the frustration when the person said, “I didn’t ask for your opinion or advice.” In my mind I was wondering, “Why are you telling me about your problem in the first place when you don’t need my opinion or advice?” I didn’t understand that the person just needed someone to talk to and at time to sympathize with his/her situation.

I have come to realise that we are not expected to fix problems always from books and seminars which I attended. From then onwards, I tried to be a mind-reader; trying my best to grasp what the other person needed. Sometimes I was right, sometimes I was wrong. Wouldn’t it be much easier if the person just tell us what he/she wants?

In the book ‘Finding the Words: Candid Conversations with Loved Ones,’ the author Susan P. Halpern cited a story:

Lester felt inadequate, he realized, when Judy aired her personal concerns. He did not know what to do or say. His impulse was to think up a solution right away. All Judy wanted from Lester was that he listen when she talked about herself. He did not need to fix anything.

… Only by telling our partner what we want can the need be met. Judy realised that she only wanted to be listened to. That was it. She wanted to hear herself talk through her issues, maybe get a little sympathy, and she would be fine.

When Lester came up with his great ideas, Judy felt he was saying she was dumb for not thinking of them herself. She felt belittled and dependent. He was the only one who could fix things, she felt.

When she told him that she just needed time to talk and a friendly ear, she felt better and she went on to handle her problems in her own way. Judy had to tell Lester that she just wanted him to listen, and he learned to do just that.

In communication, we not only need to listen attentively, patiently and openly but we also need to convey our thought and need accordingly. Trying to read mind or assuming the need of another is a mistake that cause tension and conflict between a couple, family members and friends. We need to clearly communicate to each other what we want.

This is one piece of music which reaches deeply into me and touches my soul every time I listen to it. I couldn’t find any word that can adequately express the feeling of love I am feeling from this piece of music. As Victor Hugo said, “Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and cannot remain silent.” I should leave it to you to feel it for yourself. Do let me know your feeling from Yanni’s Reflections of Passion.

The story told of Alvin whom unselfishly gave his golden harmonica to a very ill boy, Tommy, in the hope that he would get better. Isn’t this the true spirit of Christmas? A time of giving to our family and friends and especially to strangers we have never met. And yes, I do agree that the spirit of giving should be all year long and not only during Christmas.

Last year what my friend and I had done are to pool some money to buy presents for the poor children in her community. We did not have a lot of money but she and her cousins managed to buy a lot of presents. They had a great time shopping and wrapping the presents. She told me that the children were really happy to receive all those presents. And that made me very happy too. However, sad to say I would not be able to do much of that this year. How about you, what would you be doing this Christmas?

If you have no idea, maybe you would like to be involved with this great ecookbook idea from Patricia Wisdom; her creative way of helping to spread word on UNICEF. Do hop over to take a look.

And something which I started a year ago. You can download a free copy of Symphony of Love: Pictorial eBook of Love Quotations by Paying it Forward.

More story on giving at Christmas: Secret Santa reveals his identity

During this time, you’ll see a lot of commercials, banners and posters to remind individual to drink responsibly. I believe that most people are responsible … at least all my friends drink responsibly. When they are drunk, they always make sure that someone else who is sober will be at the wheel. Probably next time, if you know that your friends are drunk or have been drinking a lot, you may also want to exercise a little social responsibility to stop him/her from driving.

Drunk driving is an offence in most countries around the world. Anyone who is convicted of injuring or killing someone while under the influence of alcohol can be heavily fined, in addition to being given a lengthy prison sentence. In Singapore, repeated offence of drunk driving can cause you to be fined up to $30,000 SGD and three years’ imprisonment. For an offender causing death or serious injuries can also be caned up to 6 strokes.

In a report from CNN, a man in LA was charged with three counts of murder when he ran a red light and struck a car, killing a Major League Baseball pitcher and two others while under the influence of alcohol. Just for that split seconds he had caused lost and miseries to three families.

According to the Office for National Statistics of UK, “There were 8,724 alcohol-related deaths in 2007, lower than 2006, but more than double the 4,144 recorded in 1991. The alcohol-related death rate was 13.3 per 100,000 population in 2007, compared with 6.9 per 100,000 population in 1991.”

In the US, in 2006, an estimated 17,602 people died in alcohol-related traffic crashes—an average of one every 30 minutes. These deaths constitute 41 percent of the 42,642 total traffic fatalities (from National Highway Traffic Safety Administration)

In Singapore, there was a significant rise in drink-driving arrests recording a 7% rise from 3,733 cases in 2006, to 4,009 cases in 2007. From a speech by Dr. Teo Ho Pin, dated 13 December 2006; he cited an accident which happened earlier in March that year. Two colleagues were on their way home together on a motorcycle and they crashed into the centre divider along Bukit Timah Expressway and their bodies were found lying along the road. It was found later that both men had a high concentration of alcohol in their blood. In that tragedy, two families lost not only their sole breadwinners but also their husbands and fathers. Indeed as what he mentioned, “The penalties of drink-driving are very high – with the ultimate penalty being death.”

Often time, you may think that you are still sober enough to drive after drinking but there are too many cases where drunk drivers caused death of their loved ones and innocent parties.