Northland College principal John Tapene has offered the following words from a judge who regularly deals with youth. “Always we hear the cry from teenagers. ‘what can we do, where can we go?’

“My answer is this: Go home, mow the lawn, wash the windows, learn to cook, build a raft, get a job, visit the sick, study your lessons and after you’ve finished, read a book. Your town does not owe you recreational facilities and your parents do not owe you fun.”

Aren’t the words very truth? We have heard words like, “I’m bored. There are nothing to do and no where to go,” from today’s teenagers and sometimes even some adults will be guilty of saying those words. And they act like everyone owes them something, everyone else is to blame for all the mistakes except themselves, they take people and things for granted etc. Yet, in reflection, we also have to look deep into ourselves if we are actually the one causing these issues in our teenagers.

There is a saying, “Children see, children do.” What are the things that we are doing everyday? What are our attitudes in handling things and people? How are we treating the people around us? Are we spending quality time with them to nurture them? Are we treating them the same way as we are treating others? Are we the cry babies that we are seeing in the reflection of our teenagers?

The principal John Tapene then went on to share, “The world does not owe you a living, you owe the world something. You owe it your time, energy and talent so that no one will be at war, in sickness and lonely again. In other words grow up, stop being a cry baby, get out of your dream world and develop a backbone not a wishbone. Start behaving like a responsible person. You are important and your are needed. It’s too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do something someday. Someday is now and that somebody is you!”

Mark Twain had also said, “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”

1. Focus on doing good things and all else will follow. This morning I read a comment someone made that being a good person is the world’s toughest task. Indeed, it could very well be the greatest challenge – especially when we put the focus on being a good person. Abraham Lincoln said it best when he said, “When I do good I feel good, when I do bad I feel bad.” Let us focus on doing good things and being a good person comes naturally in the process. It couldn’t have been more simpler than that. To do a rain check on ourselves, we can use the Integrity test: What we do when no one is watching us should be the same as when we know that someone is watching us. And follow our heart, not our ‘desire’, as it will always have the right answer for us.

2. Change should and must come from us – FIRST. I am a strong believer of Mahatma Gandhi‘s philosophy, “Be the change that you want to see in the world.” Instead of trying to change people, we lead and inspire the change.

3. Spend time with positive, loving and happy people. We know that positiveness and happiness are highly contagious, and yet we are allowing ourselves to be ‘beaten’ continuously by negative people around us. Have a clear picture of the kind of person we want to be and associate ourselves with like-minded people who are supportive and are willing to help us to become the person we aspire to be. It is easy to let go of negative people who are not closely related to us. How about those closely related to us? I’m not telling you to cut the tie completely; let them know that you will keep the lifeline always open for them and yet understand clearly that you can lead the horse to the river, you can’t make it drink. Understand also that they may not be ready now and there will be a time when they are ready; be there for them when they are.

4. Start loving people, including ourselves, and let go of any hatred we may hold of others. As Buddha said (I changed a little in this context), “Holding on to hatred is like grasping hot coals with the intent of throwing them at someone else, we are the one who will get burned.” Harness the power of forgiveness and free ourselves. As Louise Hay said, “I forgive everyone in my life, and release them with love. They are free and I am free.” Forgiveness free the people we hate and most importantly – free us.

5. Live in the present. Learn the lessons from the past and leave the past where it should stay. Start living in the moments. The things we are doing today will create the tomorrow we dream and putting our attention to the current moments can make a huge difference in simplifying our lives. Take care of today and tomorrow will turn out to be what we want it to be.

6. Start to take up responsibility. Putting the blame on others accomplishes nothing and complicates things. Be the master of our fates and the captain of our souls. Choose to be in control of ourselves, then to let go of that control to someone else.

7. Put useful information in our minds and mind our own businesses. The mind is the garden of our well-beings. Would we dump rubbish into our gardens? Yet, we are putting useless information into our mind. Online social medias like Facebook, Twitter etc are splendid way to keep in touch, yet many spend hours everyday minding the businesses of their friends in these social medias. We should be the one making use of these social medias and not the other way round.

8. Take a step backward in making decisions. Moving backward could be the best way to forge ahead sometimes. Think things through before making decisions especially when we know our emotions are kicking in. The best decisions are usually made with a clear mind.

What was the reaction of the father when he got to the hospital and saw the dead child? Don’t let the cat out of the bag if you have read this before. For those who had not read this before, did you think that the father would fly into a rage and would reprimand his wife for not capping the bottle? Were you blaming the wife as well? But shouldn’t the husband just take time to put the bottle away? So who was to be blamed actually?

The father wasn’t angry at his wife at all. He looked at his wife and uttered just four words. What do you think were the four words?

The husband just said, “I love you, darling.”

The wisdom he displayed was truly an inspiration. The child was already dead and no way he could be brought back to life. What good would it do him to be angry with his wife? He responded by taking responsibility for his action; not taking time to put the bottle away.

He understood that his wife had lost her only child too. What she needed most was consolation and sympathy from him. That is what he gave her.

From the first time I read this story, I have been using it to remind myself to have the wisdom like the man. I must be less haste to find fault and to always take a more proactive perspective. I am not always successful yet. But practice makes better.

Blaming others for the mistakes seemed to be the natural thing to do whenever something bad happened. As the saying goes, “it is always easier to find fault with others than with ourselves.” Dr. Robert Anthony said, “When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” Let us take ownership and be in control.