When I was a little girl, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then.

And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned toast in front of my dad.

I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed!

Yet all my dad did was reach for his toast, smile at my mom, and ask me how my day was at school. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that toast and eat every bite!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the toast. And I’ll never forget what he said: “Baby, I love burned toast.” 

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his toast burned.

He wrapped me in his arms and said,”Debbie, your momma put in a hard day at work today and she’s real tired. And besides-a little burnt toast never hurt anyone!” 

In bed that night, I thought about that scene at dinner…and the kindness my daddy showed my mom.

To this day, it’s a cherished memory from my childhood that I’ll never forget.

And it’s one that came to mind just recently when Jack and I sat down to eat dinner. I had arrived home late…as usual…and decided we would have breakfast food for dinner. Some things never change, I suppose! To my amazement, I found the ingredients I needed, and quickly began to cook eggs, turkey sausage, and buttered toast.

Thinking I had things under control, I glanced through the mail for the day. It was only a few minutes later that I remembered that I had forgotten to take the toast out of the oven! Now, had it been any other day — and had we had more than two pieces of bread in the entire house — I would have started all over. But it had been one of those days and I had just used up the last two pieces of bread. So burnt toast it was!

As I set the plate down in front of Jack, I waited for a comment about the toast.

But all I got was a “Thank you!”

I watched as he ate bite by bite, all the time waiting for some comment about the toast. But instead, all Jack said was, “Babe, this is great. Thanks for cooking tonight. I know you had a hard day.” 

As I took a bite of my charred toast that night, I thought about my mom and dad…how burnt toast hadn’t been a deal-breaker for them. And I quietly thanked God for giving me a marriage where burnt toast wasn’t a deal-breaker either!

You know, life is full of imperfect things…and imperfect people. I’m not the best housekeeper or cook. And you might be surprised to find out that Jack isn’t the perfect husband! He likes to play his music too loud, he will always find a way to avoid yard work, and he watches far too many sports. Believe it or not, watching ” Golf Academy” is not my idea of a great night at home!

But somehow in the past 37 years Jack and I have learned to accept the imperfections in each other. Over time, we have stopped trying to make each other in our own mold and have learned to celebrate our differences.

You might say that we’ve learned to love each other for who we really are!

For example, I like to take my time, I’m a perfectionist, and I’m even-tempered. I tend to work too much and sleep too little. Jack, on the other hand, is disciplined, studious, an early riser, and is a marketer’s dream consumer. I count pennies and Jack could care less! Where he is strong, I am weak, and vice verse.

And while you might say that Jack and I are opposites, we’re also very much alike. I can look at him and tell you what he’s thinking. I can predict his actions before he finalizes his plans. On the other hand, he knows whether I’m troubled or not the moment I enter a room. We share the same goals. We love the same things. And we are still best friends. We’ve traveled through many valleys and enjoyed many mountaintops. And yet, at the same time, Jack and I must work every minute of every day to make this thing called “marriage” work!

What I’ve learned over the years is that learning to accept each other’s faults – and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences – is the one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting marriage relationship.

1. Not having sex

A sexless marriage is a common bad habit that too many married couples fall into. But the importance of sex cannot be minimized. Sex serves as one of the best ways to develop and maintain intimacy, but when you go without sex for so long you get so used to it that your mind begins to not want it anymore.

Many issues can contribute to a sexless marriage, like pregnancy, stress, fatigue or resentment. But here’s how to save your marriage from this bad habit: have sex! Even if you don’t feel like it, do it. Don’t turn down your partner unless there’s a very good reason. Luckily, once you just do it, you’ll probably actually enjoy yourself.

2. Spending too much time with the in-laws

Another common bad habit married couples fall into is in-law interference with marriage. Many couples will tell you that in-law issues can quickly become a source of frustration and resentment in the marriage. The interference is caused by spending too much time with the in-laws (especially at your own home), providing private information about your marriage or spouse to them, or siding with them over your spouse.

While a spouse can be rightfully close to his or her family, the disloyalty will do nothing to save your marriage. First and foremost, your loyalty lies with your marriage, and just because it’s family doesn’t mean it’s OK to gossip or betray your spouse.

3. Not consulting your partner about purchases

Many married couples will tell you that the issue of money is the most contentious of marital problems. Sometimes it’s the intentional refusal to disclose where money is being spent, and sometimes it’s just a bad habit of not being on the same page with monetary purchases or goals.

The fact remains that marriage is a partnership in every sense of the word, and developing a bad money habit will not only cause anger and resentment, but it can also compromise your financial security. This is one habit not worth picking up.

4. Forgetting the smaller gestures

Even the small ones matter when you’re breaking bad habits. Small gestures include kissing your husband or wife when they walk through the door, asking if there’s anything you can get them while you’re up, or offering to do a chore you know your partner hates doing.

Married couples tend to think that because they’ve been together for so long, these thoughtful gestures can be forgone. But it’s these smaller gestures which keep the intimacy alive and keeps you both feeling emotionally connected.

5. Picking up bad habits from your partner

Here is a bad habit within a bad habit. Maybe you’ve started drinking as much as your husband as an excuse to spend more time together, or maybe your wife started letting herself go, and as a result, you don’t frequent the gym or health food aisle as much anymore. Married couples undoubtedly pick up on each other’s bad habits because of the natural close proximity of the relationship. One partner may also pick up on the other’s bad habits as an excuse or as a way to get back at the other (if you can’t beat em, join em). Develop good habits together and practice them as a team.

It’s easier for you to save your marriage from bad habits by nipping them in the bud as soon they develop. But if your bad habits have been around for years, it’s still worth your while to overcome them for the sake of a happy marriage.

“Can you still do something to save your dying marriage?”

The fact is, there are lots of ways to save a dying marriage and prevent divorce. And if the couple wills it, they can successfully bring back the excitement that is last felt long time ago.

Marital retreat

Married life can be stressful. The work, children, financial obligations, and the overwhelming tasks of living contribute to the slow death of marriage. And in this modern time where it is hard to stay way from stress, the marriage will more likely to fail simply because it never occurred into the couples’ mind that all they need to do is to rest.

Slowing down and taking the time to rest and to forget all the things that keep the couples away from each other could mean bringing back the lost excitement that the couples once have. Spending quality time with each other together with other couples in a marital retreat can work on saving the marriage before it even gets to your mind.

Admitting the mistakes of couples and forgiving each other for any sin they have committed and pain they have caused to one another could save marriage.

Improving the things that has caused cheating to happen is an effective way to keep the family in tacked.

Seeking professional advices and couples therapy is a great way to heal any wound caused by infidelity.

Improving communication

There will come a time when marriage is going nowhere but down. One of the reasons for this is the lack of communication from both parties. This could be because of the limited time they spend together mainly because of career. While making money is important, taking care of the family is priceless. Communication keeps couples emotionally connected. And spending quality time together provides a good venue to keep the lines open.

Marriage counseling is often seen as the last resort in the attempt to save marriage. This is very unfortunate since marriage counselors can be more effective if the couple has seek help when the problem is just beginning to arise. What is more unfortunate is that the notion that once the couples decide to go to marital counseling sessions they have already given up since there are already tremendous emotional buildup inside marriage and there is nowhere to go but to separate. 

Marital counseling should be taken as one of the more effective ways to save marriage and not just as a final nail on the coffin of marriage.